It's Always Been You
by Blondie0306
Summary: Jay never expected Olivia to be one of the most important people in his life when they met one night at Molly's. One of those "right place, right time" type of things. Something they both needed.
1. Milestone Birthday

It was 6:30 on a Friday night and Jay strolled into the salon he went to for his haircuts. Every four weeks on a Friday night, that's where you'd find him. Jay nodded at the girl sitting at the desk and he sat down to wait. He heard her before he saw her, which was typical. She was never the quiet type. Always talking loudly or laughing. She wondered up front to check her appointment book, with her iced coffee in hand. She caught sight of Jay and smiled at him.

"You know you're a week early, Detective?'

"I do, I'm actually here to see you." He said, standing up.

"Uh oh, am I in trouble?"

She put her coffee down and walked over to kiss his cheek hello.

"I would pay to see you put the cuffs on her." One of her friends joked.

She gave the finger back in response.

"So, what are you really doing here?"

Jay gave her a sarcastic look and pointed to her station that was covered with decorations and balloons.

"I asked the girls to make your last appointment of the day a fake one so i could take you out."

"Jay, that's sweet but not needed."

"Well it's happening. Get your stuff and lets go."

"But my car?"

"You'll get it tomorrow. Stop stalling Olivia."

"I don't think you've called me that in years."

"Livi," he said softly, "Can we please go?"

Olivia gave in and Jay put an arm around her shoulders as they left. The shop girls starting making jokes and jabs about them dating and being a cute couple as they walked out the door. Olivia's face light up when she realized Jay had his motorcycle and not his truck.

"You brought the bike?!"

"It's a nice night. Not surprising cold for this time of year."

She hugged him and grabbed her helmet. The dark purple-ish black one that he bought he about a year and a half ago. Jay put on his own and got on the bike, Olivia quickly followed. She wrapped her arms around Jay and gave him a squeeze to let him know she was ready.

Jay and Olivia met about two years ago at Molly's. Jay was there with the unit and Olivia was there with the salon girls. The girls had been dancing and drinking by one end of the bar. Some guy had been trying to flirt with her all night and just wouldn't leave her alone. He wasn't taking the hint that she wasn't interested. Jay had gone up to the bar, to get two beers and bring them back to the table. As he was walking by, she grabbed him and took on of the beers from his hand and wedged herself under his arm. The other guy finally got the hint and wondered off. Olivia immediately apologized and offered to buy him a new beer, but he declined and made a joke of it. By the end of the night both groups of friends had become friends and Jay and Olivia exchanged numbers.

They texted and talked non stop. Jay found out she worked at a salon, so she started cutting his hair. Three months after meeting she invited for dinner. When he showed up on his bike, she admitted she had never been on one before. Two months later, she finally gave in to Jay, and went for a ride. It took her a little bit to get used to, but she loved it. Then a month later, he got her, her own custom helmet.

All fo their friends ragged on them all the time about them secretly dating. But they weren't, and they said it every single time. Jay was protective of Olivia, something she didn't mind at all. It always made her feel safe. It was simple things that made people question their status together. Arms always around each other, kisses to cheeks and foreheads, holding hands, snuggling or cuddling. But it was just the way they were, they were affectionate towards each other.

Jay got onto the highway and really opened up the bike and Olivia squeezed him a little tighter. He squeezed her hand back in response as to signal if she was okay and she squeezed back once. One squeeze was good, two or more wasn't. Jay drove around for a little while longer before they went down to the RiverWalk.

"Where do you want to eat?"

"I don't care, you pick."

Jay laughed.

"It's your birthday! We just have to be at Molly's at 9:30."

"Why do we have to go to Molly's?"

"Because our friends said I couldn't hog you. That I hog too much."

They sat at an Italian place and shared food.

"Do we really have to go?" She asked.

"You don't want to?"

"No, I do, it's just...nevermind."

"Liv, talk to me." He said holding her hands.

"I don't want a spectacle."

"Sorry beautiful, but it's just how are friends are. Plus this is a milestone birthday."

he could tell that something was still bothering her.

"Livi, come on, what's wrong?"

She kissed his cheek.

"Nothing, this is the best birthday ever. Thank you Jay."

They walked into Molly's holding hands and everyone cheered 'Happy Birthday'. She was doing shots with everyone from the 21st when one of her friends came to pull her away to go dance.

"In a minute." She said, moving closer to Jay.

"Go have fun, I'll be right here, I promise."

She smiled and went off with her friends. Jay occasionally glanced up to see where she was.

"Are you gonna ask her out anytime soon or can I?" Adam joked.

"You try and I'll have your head hanging on a wall."

"Seriously bro, you're basically a couple now. All that's missing is the title and the benefits." Kevin said.

"We're good with the way things are."

Olivia came stumbling over.

"Come dance with me." She said, tugging on his arm.

"I don't like dancing. How much have you had to drink?"

"A lot. Pleas Jay, just a couple songs. Everyone, come on, let's go."

A few songs turned into a few hours and by 2:30 am, Jay and everyone else were ready to call it quits.

"You want me to drop you off at home or are you going home with the girls?"

"Can I stay at your place tonight?"

"Sure, if you want to."

Jay opened the door to his condo and let Olivia go in first. Jay stepped in behind her, then turned to close and lock the door when he heard a thud and laughing. Olivia flipped herself over the back of the couch and fell onto the floor.

"Whatcha doing down there?" Jay snickered.

"I was taking off my boots and I fell over." She laughed.

"Let's get you into bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

"No, I'm not kicking you out of your own bed.'

She kicked off her other shoe and climbed into Jay's bed. She loved his bed. It was like sleeping on clouds.

"It's fine, you sleep. You're gonna feel like hell in the morning."

"At least stay till I fall asleep."

Jay sighed and got into bed next to her. Olivia quickly cuddled up to him and put her head on his chest.

"You're trapped, now you have to stay."

Jay wrapped his arms around her.

"Alright Livi, I'll stay."


	2. Grinch

When Jay woke the next morning, Olivia was still sleeping on his chest. He couldn't help but stare. Jay ran his fingers through her hair. She blinked her eyes open and looked up at him.

"Hey." She said.

"You good?" He asked.

"Mhm, you?"

She snuggled closer to him.

"Olivia, about last night." He started, ignoring her question.

"I don't remember anything."

"You don't even know what I'm going to say."

"Shh, too loud."

Jay got out of bed.

"I gotta go to the district for a little bit, I'll be back for dinner."

"I'll cook, then we can decorate this place for Christmas, and buy a tree! This place needs some holiday cheer."

"Not happening Livi."

"Stop being such a grinch! Christmas is in three days!" She yelled as he left.

After Jay finished his paperwork, he caved to the nagging feeling he had. Something had been bothering Olivia last night and he had to find out what. In the three years they'd know each other, Jay never once ran a background search on her, he never felt the need. But now, Now something told him he should. He ran her name through every database he had access to, and nothing came back. There was no record of her until three years ago when she moved to Chicago, like Olivia McKnight never existed.

Jay opened the door to his apartment and stood in the doorway and looked around. it was like the inside of a Christmas magazine had exploded inside his condo. Olivia came out of the kitchen holding a mug, and wearing one of Jay's CPD sweatshirts. She saw Jay and her face lit up with excitement.

"Welcome home Mr. Grinch!"

"What happened in here? Where'd all this come from?"

"I went and bought it. Your place hasn't been decorated for the holidays since Erin left two years ago."

"That's because I leave here alone, there's no need to decorate. i usually end up at Will's place or I spend the holidays with you. What's the point in putting all this crap up."

"What do you mean! Look how nice everything looks!"

"It looks beautiful."

"We can take it all down if you want."

Jay looked at all the stuff. She had to have been busting her ass all day to do this.

"Something's missing though." He said.

"Like what?"

"A tree."

Olivia smiled.

"Maybe we should go get one?"

"Dress warm, it's getting really cold out."

Tree shopping was something Jay hadn't done since he was a teenager and his mom was still alive. They walked arm and arm through the tree lot, looking for the perfect tree. They sipped hot chocolate as they walked around. Children were running around and laughing while parents trailed behind them. When they finally found the perfect tree it had began to lightly snow.

"How perfect is it looking for a tree and it starts snowing. It's like a movie."

Jay noticed her child like excitement.

"Let's get this home before it starts snowing any harder."

After putting the tree up and decorating it for ten minutes the most, Jay decided he had no patience for it and Olivia could do it. She brought him a beer and drank from her wine glass as she decorated and Jay sat on the couch watching the Sunday night football game.

"You're really not going to help?"

Jay sat from his spot on the couch and threw christmas balls at the tree.

"That's helpful, thanks." She said, sarcastically.

Jay continued to toss balls onto the tree. One had sailed through the air and hit her in the back of the head. She turned to look at him with a faked annoyance. Jay burst out laughing.

"That was a total accident, but a great shot." He laughed.

She picked the ornament off the floor and threw at back at him.

"Jerk."

He put his beer on the table, stood and walked towards her.

"Did you just call me a jerk?"

"I did, you're a big grinchy jerk."

Jay picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. He spun the two of them around and around.

"Stop," She laughed, "Put me down."

"Take it back, take it back."

"Never."

He continued to spin them around the condo.

"Take it back before you throw up."

"Okay, okay, you're not a grinchy jerk."

He dropped her onto the couch and sat next to her. She snuggled up to his sided and they admired the work they had done to the place.

"Looks pretty good."

"Yeah, it does." She agreed.

"Feels like home."

She smiled up at him before settling into his side again. He put his arm around her and held her close. This Christmas lights gave the condo a warm glow, and the music played softly around them. She healed a lot of the wounds he had when he first met her. She may not have realized it, but he did and he was grateful for her.


	3. Christmas

A/U: thanks for reading guys! This is my first story! reviews are appreciated. also, and anything thats in **bold text** will be text messages between characters

 **To Jay, from Livi**

 **Merry Christmas mr. grinch! Enjoy the day with everyone! Give them my best.**

 **To Livi, from Jay**

 **Merry Christmas Cindy Lou Who! Aren't you coming to Will's?**

 **To Jay, from Livi**

 **I'm not feeling up to it, have fun tho.**

Bummed, Jay still went to Will's, with a smile on his face and tons of presents for Owen. Jay put all the presents by the tree and Owen came running out of his room.

"Hi Uncle Jay!"

"Hi buddy. I think you're dressed up for the wrong holiday."

The little boy laughed.

"Santa brought me this! I told him I want to be a police officer just like my uncle."

"I'm sure mom and dad loved hearing that."

"Where's Aunt Olivia?"

Owen had recently started calling her that. He had just said it out of the blue one day, catching them all off guard. Olivia wrapped the little boy in a hug and covered his face with kisses.

"She wasn't feeling good."

Owen pouted.

"I wanted to show her my police stuff. She said she loves police officers, they're her favorite."

"Did she now?"

"Mhm, police officers are her favorite thing in the world."

"I don't know about that. she does love Starbucks and Sephora." Jay laughed.

The afternoon and evening went nicely. Owen loved all his presents. Especially his police lego set. Jay was sitting next to him on the floor after all the presents had been opened and the mess or wrapping paper cleaned up, playing with the legos.

"Can you and Aunt Olivia have a baby?"

Everyone looked at Owen.

"Not really buddy. Her and I are just good friends."

"I just want someone to play legos with."

"Then you should ask mom and dad for a baby brother or sister."

"I didn't say i wanted them to stay with me," he said in a 'duh' tone, "Just someone to play legos with."

"Well you'll always have me."

"Yeah, I guess you're alright."

Jay ruffled his hair before standing to go make a cup of coffee.

"Kid has a point." Will said.

Jay rolled his eyes.

"Don't start Will"

"I'm just saying." He said with his hands up.

"Well don't."

"I mean, come on, that girl adores you."

Jay put his coffee down.

"And I adore her just as much. We're just friends. Why does everyone question that?"

"Because everyone can see how you look at each other Jay! No friends act the way you do. Friends don't hold hands or cuddle in bed or half the other things you do."

"We're comfortable with one another."

"One day, one day the two of you will finally realize how much you love each other, and I can't wait to say I told you so."

It was the middle of the night and all Jay could think about was Olivia

 **To Olivia from Jay**

 **Did you eat?**

 **To Jay from Olivia**

 **It's 2am Jay, go to sleep**

 **To Olivia from Jay**

 **I can't**

 **To Jay from Olivia**

 **Nightmares or anxiety**

She'd witnessed a few of his episodes or meltdowns or whatever you want to call them. The first time it happened, she quickly learned what worked and what didn't and how to calm him down.

 **To Olivia from Jay**

 **Little bit of both I guess**

 **To Jay from Olivia**

 **I'll unlock the front door.**

Jay sighed before getting out of bed. he knew if he didn't got to Olivia's, he wouldn't make it to work on time or at all. He tossed on a pair of joggers and a CPD hoodie . He grabbed his clothes and everything he would need for shift and went to Olivia's house.

Jay walked in and locked the door behind him. The house smelt like her favorite candle, toasted almond macaroon, which she had also made a permanent fixture at Jay's place. Jay kicked off his shoes and went upstairs to her bedroom. She was curled up under the covers on one side of the California king bed. Jay took off his sweatshirt and gently climbed into bed. Feeling the bed dip, Olivia rolled over and opened her eyes. She kissed his forehead before resting her forehead against his, taking his hand in hers and closing her eyes.

"You're hearts beating so fast, you need to calm down."

Her voice was warm, soft, comforting.

"Remember where you are Jay. Laying in bed, with your best friend, safe and warm, all cozy."

Jay held her a little tighter.

"You gotta push past this. What happened over seas or here in Chicago, it's done. You're moving forward, you're stronger now."

It took longer than usual, but he got past it, whatever had been bothering him. He'd fallen asleep around 3:30 in the morning, but Olivia laid awake next to him, just watching, just in case something happened. He trusted her to see his vulnerable side, and that made her feel good. He'd been handling it pretty well the last couple years but every now and then a bad case, or bad memory with trigger something for him.

"Do you have to work today?"

He asked the next morning when the were sitting in the kitchen having coffee.

"No, I have the next two days off. What about you?"

Jay shot her a look and she laughed.

"How could I forget, there are no holidays when fighting crime."

"Very funny, smart ass. I've got to go. See you later?"

"Eh, maybe." She smirked.


	4. Miss Congeniality

"Shouldn't you be working? Why are you calling and bothering me?" Olivia joked.

"I am actually grabbing coffee before heading back to the district? What're you up to?"

"I am raiding my closet trying to look for an outfit for Friday."

"What's Friday."

Olivia rolled her eyes, even through she knew Jay couldn't see her.

"Friday night is the night when your friends and my friends are hanging out remember?"

Jay had actually forgot.

"Yes, I remember." He lied.

"Sure you did Halstead, that sounded so convincing. I have to go, I'm meeting the girls for dinner tonight and I have to get ready."

"Where are you going? Maybe I'll come by?"

"Goodbye Jay."

It had been a couple hours and the team was stuck in the middle of a case. They had no clues, no leads, nothing. Jay was focused on his notes trying to find anything that would break the case open.

"Well damn girl, look at you." Adam called out.

Jay's head snapped up and there was Olivia standing at the top of the stairs with Platt. She was holding a box in one hand and in the other a cup of Starbucks.

"Where you goin looking like that?" Adam joked.

Olivia spun slowly in her spot showing off her outfit. Jay looked her over. Black off the shoulder sweater that was adorned with pearl and crystals at the top, black ripped up skinny jeans, her favorite nude colored Louboutins on her feet. Her hair curled perfectly and her make up equally as perfect with her red lip. She looked like she belonged in a magazine.

"Dinner and dancing with the girls from work." She replied.

"How do you even walk in those?" Hailey asked.

"Not well," Olivia answered, "But they make the outfit."

"What brings you by the district?" Kim asked.

"I was heading out this way, figured you guys could use some sugar, so why no donuts. Cops love donuts don't they?"

"Well aren't you just Miss Congeniality." Platt said.

"It's a gift." She replied.

She put the box down and sat on the edge of Jay's desk. Jay went to take the coffee from her hand.

"That's not for you."

"Why not?"

"Because that is my venti caramel macchiato with two extra shots of espresso, not yours."

"You're going to dinner, why do you need coffee?"

"Uh, because coffee is life."

Jay went to get his own coffee while the unit opened the box and devoured the donuts.

"I take it you're not getting out anytime soon."

"Nope. Where's the rest of your outfit?"

Confused she looked down at herself.

"What are you talking about, I look cute."

Jay rolled his eyes and that was all it took to piss her off.

"If you're gonna be a baby about the coffee, you can freaking have it. And if you're mad that I'm going out with my friends tonight, than that's too bad. But you don't have to be a dick about it."

She stormed out of the break room, grabbed her bag off his desk and stormed out. She couldn't understand what his issue was, she wasn't dressed inappropriately. She was going out with her friends, having fun. What was the big deal.

After dinner the girls went to a club where they had reserved a V.I.P table and bottle service. They drank and danced till three in the morning. Jay had seen it all on her snapchat stories and those of her friends. She strolled through the door at 3:30 am, kicked off her shoes by the door, and went to walk through the living room to the kitchen. On the counter sat a vase with purple calla lilies, her favorite, and a printed note attached to it. _I'll see you soon._

Olivia thought they were from Jay, but she couldn't ever remember telling him that they were her favorite flowers. She clicked off the lights and headed up stairs to bed. Something felt off in the house, something she couldn't explain. She changed and climbed into bed but her brain didn't seem to want to shut off. Almost like is was warning her but she ignored it. She also ignored the fact that she felt like she was being watched.

The feeling of being watched never went away and when Friday rolled around Jay noticed how on edge she was. When he asked her about it she shrugged it off as just being over tired from the busy holiday week. Her eyes constantly wondered around as if she were looking for something or someone. No one else seemed aware of it but he knew. She was hiding something. And she wasn't very good at it.


	5. Ending The Year With A Bang

Jay checked his phone for the umpteenth time, still no word from Olivia. He knew she was going out with the girls tonight for New Years Eve, he just found it odd that the last he had heard from her was around 6:30 pm when she was leaving work and heading home to get ready. He wanted to track her phone, but just the thought alone made him feel guilty, especially since he tried running background on her.

She'd been acting odd towards him lately, distancing herself. Maybe he shouldn't have told her that Owen said they should have a baby. She didn't seem bothered by it, she had just laughed and shook her head. She had been in her own little world, not her bubbly, loud, touchy-feely self.

"You goin to Olivia's after we wrap this case?" Kevin asked.

"Uh no, she's out with her friends."

"She has friends?!"Adam mocked.

Jay rolled his eyes and Kevin punched Adam's shoulder.

"Shut up Ruz, at least he's got a girl."

"She's not my girl." Jay reminded

"Whatever man,look, come to Molly's tonight and hang."

What Jay really wanted to do was go home or go wait at Olivia's. But what if she stayed at one of the girls' houses', or what if she went home with a guy, what if she brought a guy home. Oh hell no, she was too good to be sleeping around with random guys. He wouldn't allow it, nope, he wouldn't. As much as he wanted to go wait for her, he knew he couldn't.

So he ended up at Molly's with the guys, and everyone from 51. Drinking beers and taking shots. 12 am rang in and the bar cheered. but Jay got no call or text. At 12:30 he decided to reach out to her.

 **To Olivia from Jay**

 **Happy New Year beautiful. Hope you're having fun. Just let me know when you get home so I know you're safe. Love you Livi**

An hour later, Jay's phone rang, but it wasn't who he was expecting to hear from.

"Hey Sarge." Jay said stepping outside.

"Halstead, listen, we've got a problem."

"Okay, what's up?"

"You need to get to Olivia's, Jay. Something's happened."

Terrified, that's all he could feel at the moment. He was certain, he's never been that scared in his whole life. The block she lived on was taped off with red and yellow caution tape. Jay put the truck in park and took off running, not care if he had left it running or not. He was telling himself she was find, but the pit in his stomach told him different. He dodged under the yellow tape near the driveway and pushed off the officer who grabbed him.

"Someone grab that guy."

Jay flashed his badge.

"CPD Intelligence, asshole!"

Jay ran through the open front door yelling for Voight. He came to a dead stop in the foyer and looked around. So much blood, so much chaos. The smell of blood and his fear got to him. He ran back outside and threw up in the bushes. He took a couple of deep breaths before going back in to meet Voight.

"What happened? Where is she? Is she on her way to med? I want Will and Conor to take care of her."

"Jay, slow down." Voight said.

"She better not be going to Mercy, that hospital is gross."

"Jay, she's not at any hospital."

Jay felt sick again.

"Where...then where is she?"

"Listen kid-"

Jay was gonna lose it.

"Don't say it. Don't tell me she didn't make it."

"We don't know Jay, she wasn't here when anyone arrived on scene. All we know is that there are claw and drag marks on the floor. All we know is she got taken out of here, but she put up a fight."

"Who, uh, who called it in."

His head was spinning and he was trying to focus.

"Couple of friends from work."

Jay looked confused.

"Apparently, she never showed up to the venue where they were meeting up, so they came here. They figured she ditched them to stay with you and they were gonna make the two of you get dressed and go out. When they got here they found all this. Called 9-1-1, told the dispatcher she was related to a Detective Halstead, dispatched reached out to me."

By now the whole unit surrounded him.

"We'll find her Jay." Hank said.

Jay was beginning to unravel.

"Can I have a couple minutes alone?"

"Sure kid."

Jay's heart broke with every step he took. Maybe if he came here, this wouldn't have happened, maybe they could've been looking for her sooner. The couch they picked out together had been slashed to pieces. There was glass everywhere, it crunched under his feet. Pictures had been smashed and destroyed on the floor. Pools and trails of blood all over. Up in her room, is where he began to cry. It looked like every picture of them had been torn up, clothes he left here or that she took now shredded messes. Jay picked up her phone and noticed it was still audio recording. He stopped it and then pressed play.

"How'd you find me?"

She sounded so scared. Jay could hear footsteps.

"Oh Ainsely, did you really think that I'd believe that an 'accidental car accident' killed you. No,no, you'll die by my hands."

"Don't come any closer or I'll-"

"You'll what, sweetheart, call your boyfriend, the cop? He's not coming for you baby." The guy sneered.

"He will, and his whole team."

The guy laughed.

"He can't find you from the bottom of the river. No one's gonna find him and they'll never find you."

"You're...you're lying."

"You really think I'd let another man touch you, take you to bed. YOU FUCKING WHORE." He yelled.

There was a slap and a thud. Jay could hear them struggling, and she was fighting to breathe.

"YOU GOT HIM KILLED AINSLEY. YOU GOT HIM CHOPPED INTO LITTLE TINY FUCKING PIECES, TO FISH FOOD! YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!"

Jay hit stop, he couldn't listen anymore. He went downstairs and gave the phone to Hank.

"Go home Jay, or go to Will's."

Jay shook his head.

"That's an order Jay, you are not working this case."

"I'm gonna stay here. Clean up before she comes home."

"Jay-"

"She's coming home Hank, she has to come home."

Hours later, Jay was cleaning up in her room when he found a gift bag with his name on it. Curiosity got the best of him and he opened it. It was a small box that had a chain with a key hanging from it and a note. Jay sat on the bed and read the note.

 _Dear Jay,_

 _I was going to give this to you for Christmas, but i second guessed myself and changed my mind. But then I thought about it, because we both know over thinking is my talent, and it was making me crazy, so i have to give it to you. Now I know you're thinking ' a key on a chain, really?' but there is a reason behind it. Not only is it the key to my house, but I want my home to feel like your home too. My door is always open to you. After a tough case or a bad day or nights when you can't sleep, you'll always know where to find me. In the past couple of years, you've taught and shown me so much love and kindness. I'm so glad that we're in each others lives. Always be safe, and always come home to me._

 _Always yours,_

 _Livi_

Jay placed the chain around his neck. The key fell on his chest, right next to his heart. Jay broke down again. Why was this happening? Who took her? Why was he calling her Ainsley? Why did she run to Chicago? None of it really mattered, he just wanted her back, safe.


	6. A New Life

Olivia couldn't wait to get home, get out of her work clothes and go party. Holiday season in the hair industry was the busiest time of the year, and they were they days that ran her down to the ground. Non stop flow of clients from the minute she went in early till she left late at night. She loved her job, 100%, and she wouldn't trade it for the world. Her salon friends were the first friends she made when she came to live in Chicago, and they welcomed her with open arms, became her family. And then she met Jay, who quickly became the most important person in her life. He never once made her feel hesitant or afraid to be herself, her new self, her better self.

She opened the door to a dark house and mentally cursed Jay for not leaving any lights on in the house when he left this morning. She absolutely hated coming home to a dark house, and Jay knew it. He was usually pretty good about leaving the lights on. She dropped her bag on the dinning room table, kicked off her shoes, went into the kitchen and turned on the lights. Something felt off, she had that feeling when you know something isn't right but you can't put your finger on it. Chalking it up to paranoia, she headed upstairs to shower and get ready.

She turned on the lights in her bedroom and looked around. Her bed had looked like someone had laid on top of it and rolled around. Not the crisp way she had left it that morning. Something wasn't right and it nagged at her a little bit more. Her skin prickled and she went to grab her spare cell phone off the bed stand to call Jay. The floor in the hallway creaked. It only creaked when you came up from the stairs and stepped onto it.

"Jay?" She called out, "Jay, is that you?"

She got no answer. Against her better judgement and the voice in her head telling her not to, she walked to the doorway.

"Jay?" She called again.

She stepped into the hallway and became frozen with fear on the spot. He was never suppose to get out of jail, he was never suppose to be able to find her. She would've gotten a call, or a letter or something, that's what they told her.

"Hello Ainsely."

She swallowed the bile that was rising in her throat.

"You're... you're not real. This is all in my head."

"Oh no baby, I'm real."

"You can't be here."

He laughed.

"And yet, here I am."

Olivia quickly walked back into her room to grab her phone, and he followed right behind her. she didn't have enough time to call anyone so she put it on recording mode.

"How'd you find?"

She was terrified.

"Oh Ainsley, did you really think I'd believe an 'accidental car accident' killed you? No, no you'll die by my hands."

"Don't come any closer or I'll-"

"You'll what, sweetheart, call your boyfriend, the cop? He's not coming for you baby." He sneered.

"He will, and his whole team."

He laughed and stepped closer.

"He can't find you from the bottom of the river. No one's ever gonna find him, and they'll never find you."

"You're... you're lying."

"You really think I'd let another man touch you, take you to bed? YOU FUCKING WHORE." He yelled.

He reached out and slapped her hard across the face. It had caught her off guard and she hit the floor with a hard thud. He threw pictures on the bed and bent down over her, wrapping his hands tightly around her neck.

"YOU GOT HIM KILLED AINSLEY, YOU GOT HIM CHOPPED INTO LITTLE TINY FUCKING PIECES, TO FISH FOOD! YOU UNGRATEFUL BITCH!"

She struggled against him, trying to fight him off but he squeezed harder. She got enough leverage to knee him in the balls. He keeled over to the side, letting go of her neck. She struggled to catch her breath and stand up but her vision was spotty. She wobbled out of the room and towards the stairs. She went to step down onto the stairs when he tackled her, sending them both flying down the flight of stairs and onto the hardwood floor. He stood quicker on her and he kicked her in the ribs before he picked her up and threw her through the glass coffee table.

"You should know better than to fight back."

"Fuck you Steven."

He took all the frames on the window sill and threw them on the floor. He walked back over and lifted her up by her neck.

"You thought you could move on, start a new life?"

He tossed her down the short flight of stairs into the kitchen onto the tile floor. She yelled out in pain before wobbling to her feet and he laughed at her.

"Look what you've done to our home Ainsley. You've tainted it. You brought another man into my home."

"It's not your home!"

He hit her again and she fell back to the floor.

"Then we'll just have to find a new one."

He grabbed her legs and tried to drag her to the door. She tried kicking him off, clawing, grabbing at anything she could. Screaming, yelling at the top of her lungs for help. Steven kicked her in the ribs again and it sent all the air out of her lungs. He sucker punched her right to the center of her face and knocked her out cold.

She laid there unconscious and he destroyed her home. Bashed every mirror, broke anything in his sight. Tore up her pictures that she had with Jay. And when he was satisfied with the destruction, he carried her limp body out to the car and put her in the trunk, walked back up to the front door, pulled it shut and drove off.


	7. Realization

**Quick note: Just wanted to say thank you for taking time to read my first story. You guys rock. Thank you thank you thank you xoxo**

She'd been gone a week. A slow, torturous week that felt like a life time. Everyone knew the reality of someone who had been missing for more than 48 hours. But they wouldn't give up, Jay would never give up. The guilt had been eating him alive because he should've tried harder to figure out what was wrong. Then he would've known, maybe he wouldn't have but there was a chance that if he just pushed her a little bit more than maybe he would've been able to do something...anything.

It was the end of shift and Jay was sitting at his desk scrolling through all the pictures he had of her and the ones of them together on his phone. Her beaming, radiant smile. Her captivating eyes, the way they looked at each other. No wonder people thought they were always dating. She was just that kind of girl, lit up any room she walked into. She made him the happiest he's been in a long time.

"You heading out soon?" Hailey asked, putting on her coat.

"Yeah, I'm going to Liv's."

"Don't do this to yourself."

"I just can't be at my place. I'm too restless there."

An hour later Jay unlocked the front door and looked at the key in his hand.

"I don't where to find you. I don't even know where to look."

He sat on the couch and closed his eyes. Realization was setting in that he didn't know Olivia at all, and he may never see her again either. Who was this brilliant, beautiful hazel eyed girl, who crashed into his life and turned it upside down. The girl who loved the New York Yankees and New York Giants, despite Jay's protest and complaining. The girl he was teaching hockey to and no matter who much they watched she still had no idea how to keep track of the puck.

He showered, changed and climbed into bed. He slept best in her bed, actually that's not true. He slept best next to her, felt at ease. The first time they shared a bed was the second time she stayed at Jay's place. The first night she stayed over he couldn't remember but he was shit faced drunk and she had to pick him up from Molly's. She only stayed on the couch because she was afraid he would throw up in his sleep and choke on it. She claimed that, that was the funniest thing she's ever seen and that he was quite the comedian.

But the second time, that one was a clear memory. She had come over with pizza and beer one night. The snow wasn't suppose to be anything more than a dusting. But by the time she went to leave, the dusting had turned into 6 inches and it didn't like it would be stoping anytime soon, and it was hard to see a couple feet in front of you face. Jay had told her to just stay and take the bed. Of course they fought about it, and after twenty minutes, Jay got his way. Or so he had thought.

During the middle of the night, Jay was having one of his nightmares about being over seas. Concerned, Olivia had gotten out of bed to check on him. She gently shook his shoulder and said his name when Jay woke ready to defend himself and swing at whoever was in front of him. It took him a second to realize he was home and it was only Olivia. He was mortified that he could've hurt her and kept apologizing. Unafraid, she stood and tugged on his hand, trying to pull him to his bedroom. He told her he did't think it was a good idea, that it would change things. She rolled her eyes and told him to stop thinking with the wrong head, that she just wanted him to come lay down and to relax. When she tugged on his hand again he followed her.

Over time she learned how to deal with his nightmares. Never once putting herself before him. Now he realized how little he knew about her. Who took her? Why was he calling her Ainsley? Was she really Ainsley or Olivia? She never did talk about her past or her childhood or his family life growing up. But then again, neither did he.

Banging at the front door in the middle of the night jarred him awake. Grabbing his gun off the night table, he slowly walked downstairs.

"Jay, it's Voight. Open the door."

Jay holstered his gun and opened the door.

"Jeez sarge, i could've shot you."

"We found her. Or so we think."

Jay opened and closed his mouth a couple times.

"What, how."

"She has two phones connected to her phone number. Two iPhones. One you found in her room and the other that was turned on an hour ago. You're riding with me."

Ten minutes. She had been ten minutes away this whole time. Every nerve in his body was buzzing. They quietly entered the dim light, messy, dirty run down house. They split up to search the house and Jay went upstairs alone. Most of the doors were closed and locked. The last door, the knob turned and Jay slowly opened the door, gun drawn. As relived ad he was to see her, protective mode kicked in seeing her tied up, bloody and bruised.

"Welcome to the party Detective."

A guy around their age, sat behind her with gun pressed against her temple.

"I will blow her brains all over this room."

"Drop the gun."

"Not happening, you need to leave."

"Not without Olivia."

"HER NAME'S AINSLEY!" He yelled.

Olivia flinched and tears rolled down her cheeks. Jay had no clear shot, and he could;t risk hitting her.

"You need to let her go."

"No, i don't. I spent years of my life in jail because of this stupid bitch."

He pressed the gun harder into her head. She cried and tried to pull away. There was a split second where she had pulled away just enough. .POP. Jay didn't even blink. Olivia's screams where muffled by the gag in her mouth as the death weight fell on top of her.

"5021 George, shots fired by the police, two to the chest one to the head, offender DOA, missing persons recovered, roll an ambo to this location."

Jay cut the restraints that bound her hands and feet, took the gag from her mouth and stood her up slowly as she winched in pain. He held her to him and she cried into his chest.

"I've got you, you're alright. You're safe." He said kissing the top of her head.

"I didn't think you'd find me, or that anyone would. He- he said- he said he killed you."

Jay titled her head up and kissed her. He didn't care that the whole team was watching. He didn't care that they were only friends. He loved her, more than anything or anyone in the world. She kissed him back. He was here, he was real, he was holding her, he was alive. And then, she was limp.


	8. Bright Lights

Olivia woke to bright lights above her. The light burned her eyes as she blinked a few times and she groaned as every inch of her body ached. She groggily turned her head to her right to see emerald eyes starring worriedly at her.

"Livi," He said, "Hey beautiful, can you hear me?."

She pulled her hand away from his.

"Where am I?'

"You're at Med, you passed out. I should get Will."

He rushed out of the room and returned seconds later with a doctor.

"Hey Olivia, you gave us quite the scare."

"Will says everything looks good, we can go home."

"Easy Jay she just woke up."

He explained all her injuries to her. Bruised ribs, bruised cheek bones, hairline fracture in her foot, a sprained ankle, bruised wrist and a concussion.

"Can you get her paperwork, I just wanna take her home."

Will looked at her.

"Do you feel alright Olivia, you look like you might be sick."

"I dont' remember what happened. I don't know who either of you are."

"You said she would be fine Will. It's been a month and I still haven't heard from her." Jay said into the phone.

"She needs time Jay. I also told you she might not remember at all."

"I can't believe this is happening."

Jay poured himself a cup of coffee and there was a knock at the door.

"I gotta go, I'll talk to you later."

He hung up and answered the door.

"Olivia, hi, what're you doing here?"

"Uh, if it's a bad time, I can go."

She noticed his shirtless appearance. It was kinda hard not to, he was gorgeous. She turned to leave, figuring she was interrupting something.

"No, it's not. Would you like to come in?"

Jay put on a sweatshirt and she glanced around his place. Total man cave with feminine touches here and there. Pictures of them scattered around.

"Coffee?"

"Yes, please, that'd be great."

The usual?"

She looked confused and he felt like an idiot for saying that.

"I'm sorry I shou-"

"However you make it is fine." She answered quickly.

He ushered her to the couch and went to get their drinks.

"French vanilla, not too light, not too dark."

"Thank you."

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, it's late, I should've have come."

"I'm glad you did."

"You are?"

"Yeah of course, I've missed you. A lot, actually. Do you wanna talk about what's bothering you?"

"It would take a lifetime."

"I've got a lifetime you give you."

she put her coffee down.

"I had a flashback or memory or whatever they're called."

"About what?"

"You...us...I don't know."

"Tell me, I'll help you."

She sighed.

"I'm just so confused. Who are we to each other?'

"We're friends, really good friends."

"That's it?"

Jay smiled at her.

"We came into each others lives at the right time."

She bit her lip.

"Do we have a son? There's picture of him and him with us around my house."

"No, that's Will and Natalie's son. He's our nephew."

There was silence again.

"You killed him, that night. You shot Steven."

"I did. He had a gun to your head."

"I know."

You do?"

"Yeah, I had a dream about it."

"Oh."

"I think it was a dream, I'm not really sure."

"I'm sorry you had to remember that."

"I'm not."

They sat silently again.

"You're a cop right?"

"Detective, yes.

"You ever work a domestic abuse case?"

"A few when I was on patrol."

"Steven used to beat me. Kick the shit out of me. He had a temper."

"Olivia, you don't have to explain."

She shook her head.

"Maybe if I did in the first place, none of this would've happened."

Jay put an arm around her and pulled her close. She didn't pull away like he thought she would. Instead, she adjusted herself and put her head on his chest. This was a huge step forward, since they hadn't spoken in a month.

"I knew Steven for a long time before we had started dating. He was a friend of a friend and seemed like the perfect gentleman. He didn't start hitting me right away. It started out as little controlling things, the warning signs ya know. What I could and couldn't wear, who i could talk to and hang out with. Checking my social media all the time, and then one day he lost it. I had come home from work late, dinner wasn't ready and on the table and then pop, right to the eye. Thankfully, I'm good with make up."

Jay's stomach began to knot up.

"He said it would never happen again. Apologized over and over agin, sent me flowers, told me he loved me. I should've known better. And then it happened again and again. The last time was the worst. Beat me so bad I ended up in the hospital. Bunch of broken bones, stitches, fractured facial bones. The detective assigned to my case was the son of the police commissioner. Steven started to make threats. Saying he'd have me killed, that he'd find me. The police promised they'd protect me. I had to live in a safe house for a bit but I still wasn't safe."

Olivia wiped he eyes and settle back down into Jay's embraced.

"He got sentenced to 8 years. one of his threats almost went through and the police convinced me that the only way out was witness protection. They staged a car accident and explosion to make him think he'd won. My family, my friends, they all mourned me. Ainsley Tartagleoni died June 17, 2015. I moved to Chicago and started my new life as Olivia McKnight."

She sat up and put a small envelope on the table.

"I wish I could remember you, you're the only person I can't seem to. And it's so incredibly unfair, because you seem like the most amazing person. I know you hovered at the hospital and only came into my room when you thought I was sleep. I want to remember the memories I see in pictures. I so badly want to remember you, and hopefully one day I will. Hopefully you'll still be here when I do."

She kissed his cheek and left. Jay opened the envelope and pulled out a picture. Her hair was long and hair, such a polar opposite of her now short, blonde hair. Her smile was small and forced. Her eyes sad and filled with fear and pain. Jay grabbed his phone and for the first time in a month sent her a text.

 **To Olivia, from Jay**

 **"I'm here for the long haul, no matter what happens. You've got me Livi, always.**


	9. Babysitter

"Are you bringing Olivia to dinner?" Will asked.

"I'm on my way to your place. She might come for coffee. She had a tough week with memory therapy."

More like a tough four weeks. She was trying to focus her sessions on remembering Jay. Mostly everything had come back except him and it drove her and him, crazy.

"How's she doing with that? Dr. Charles says the sessions are mentally draining."

"Good I guess. She doesn't like to talk much about them."

"How are you doing?"

Jay sighed.

"I miss her, but if this is who she is now, I'm gonna help her. I'd rather have her like this and have to start over, than not have her at all."

When Jay got to Will and Natalie's, Owen made his disappointment know that Olivia, yet again, was not there. He walked past Jay and into his toy room, having no interest in his uncle. The three adults were sitting on the couch watching the hockey game, eating picky food and having a beer, waiting for the rest of the guests to arrive when the doorbell rang. Natalie got up to get the door and welcome the guest.

"Owen!" she called." Come say hello."

"Aunt Olivia!" He yelled, running to her.

"Hi bubs."

Will and Jay turned to them, and Jay smiled at her, happy she came. Jay could tell how uncomfortable and nervous she was.

"I hope you don't mind, Jay invited me."

"Not at all,'' Will said, "You're always welcome."

Jay got up and hugged her.

"I'm glad you came." He said.

"Babysteps, right?"

He walked her over to the couch and they sat on the love seat together. Owen scurried over and climbed onto her lap.

"I've missed you." He said looking up at her.

"I've missed you too." She said cautiously.

"Why were you gone for so long? Don't you love us?"

"Owen!" Natalie scolded.

"It's okay," she reassured," I've been a little sick, haven't been feeling like myself."

"Are you better now?"

Jay held her and and she kept eye contact with him as she spoke.

"I'm working on it."

"And we're all thankful for that."Will said.

As more people arrived, the more anxious Olivia got. She felt herself struggling to keep up with names and back stories. Jay could see from across the room the room that panic was beginning to set in. She excused herself from a conversation and stepped out side. He gave her a few seconds before he followed her. He found her outside taking deep breaths and shaking out her hands.

"You okay?"

"Not really. I don't think I can do this."

"Sure you can, you're doing great."

She rolled her eyes.

"You're just saying that to be nice."

"We can go if you want." He offered.

She felt guilty. He invited her and she found it kind he was willing to be there for her and help her with everything.

"You should stay, it's your family."

"They're your family too Livi. You're gonna get through this, we're in this together okay?"

Her eyes filled with tears.

"What if I don't? what happens if I never get my memory back?"

"Then we'll figure it out."

She hugged him tightly. Jay had missed that.

"I like that you call me Livi and no one else does."

"No one else is allowed." He laughed.

"You're joking?"

"Let's go back inside, it's freezing."

Jay was at the counter pouring coffee after dinner when Adam came up to him.

"I don't know how you do it my friend."

"Do what?" Jay asked.

"The whole Olivia thing. It's like you have to start over, constantly babysit her."

"I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, and walk away."

"Just saying dude, she's a great girl, but maybe you should throw in the towel."

"Quit while you're ahead Adam."

"Just trying to look out for you."

"Well I'm fine."

Jay walked away and his phone pinged.

 **To Jay, from Olivia**

 **I'm sorry, but I had to go. Please stay, enjoy the free time**

 **To Olivia, from Jay**

 **Don't push me away Liv, please**

 **To Jay, from Olivia**

 **I just need some space, today was overwhelming**

Jay stayed for a little while longer before heading out. He was halfway home when he turned and went to Olivia's. he hadn't been here since he brought her home from the hospital. He saw that most of the lights were on in the house, so he knew she was up. If she were sleeping there would only be the front porch light and kitchen light on. He knocked on the door and waited, figuring it was best not to use his key.

"What are you doing here Jay?" She asked, exhaustedly

"Can I come in?

She stepped aside and let him in. She had pictures and photo albums and frames all over the living room.

"What're you doing?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes again.

"Knitting a sweater." She said sarcastically.

"Olivia." He said sharply.

"Jesus Jay! Stop acting like I'm a child. I'm 30 not three, just cause i don't remember some stuff doesn't mean I need a babysitter."

Jay dropped his head.

"You heard Adam."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do. And he shouldn't have said that. He was out of line."

"Was he? Because he seemed on point to me."

"We'll he's not! Today was a huge step forward."

She scoffed.

"For who, cause it felt like a shit show to me."

"I think you did great."

"You have to say that! You feel obligated as my friend."

"Not true, I'm always straight forward with you. I've told you when you put red streaks in you hair that it looked decent but not the best, when you dyed your roots teal that you looked like the joker from batman. When you used the wrong color to tone your hair and you looked like draco malfoy from harry potter, who was honest? Me."

"I got nothing out of today but disappointment. No memory, no flashbacks."

"Okay, maybe next time."

"We're at the three month mark, it's never coming back."

She sounded tired and scared.

"You can't give up."

"Giving up is different that accepting the truth."

"Well I'm not."

"It's not your life Jay, it's mine!"

"It is too my life! This isn't easy for me Olivia. This is the hardest fucking thing. I walk on eggshells around you because I don't want to hurt your feelings. But you know what, I'd rather that, I'd rather have to start everything we ever had over than not having you at all because I love you. So yes, your life is my life because you are my life!"

They stood quiet for a second.

"You love me?"

"More than I ever realized. What you do or don't remember doesn't matter to me."

Her lips trembled and all he wanted to do was kiss her again.

"Can you stay the night?"

"As long as you don't steal all the blankets."

She shoved his shoulder.

"Are you kidding! You're the one who always steals all the pillows. I have no choice but to take the blankets."


	10. That Cute Cop

A/u, one of many _flashback_ chapters you'll see throughout the story.

 _She was out back at work having a smoke when one of the girls came to get her._

 _"Hey, so that cute cop from the bar is here."_

 _"Shit, really?"_

 _She put her cigarette out and quickly went back inside and walked up front._

 _"Hey, what're you doing here?"_

 _"We caught a case down the block. Figured I'd stop in on my back back to this district and see where you worked."_

 _She raised an eyebrow at him._

 _"That kinda sounds like you didn't believe me." She joked._

 _Jay's cheeks slightly turned pink._

 _"Is it weird that I'm kinda nervous?"_

 _"Would it make you feel better if I said I was nervous too?" She admitted._

 _Jay smiled at her and he could've sworn everything felt right in the world._

 _"I gotta get back But um if you want everyone from 21 is going to Molly's tonight if you want to come."_

 _"Yeah, sure, that sounds great."_

 _Jay let out a breath._

 _"Okay, cool, I'll see you later."_

 _"Bye, Jay, stay safe."_

 _She turned to find all the girls staring at her and smiling. They all ragged on her the rest of the day that it was a date. She insisted it wasn't just friends meeting for drinks. Regardless, they made her get all dolled up anyway. When she got to the bar, Jay met her outside and he told her how beautiful she looked. But he thought she always looked glamorous, very poised and put together. He introduced her again to everyone, and they seemed impressed that Jay had invited a girl to join them._

 _She stayed for a few hours and a couple round of drinks before excusing herself to said goodnight to everyone and Jay offered to walk her to her car. She told him he didn't have to but he did anyway. They walked to her truck and he held the car door open for her._

 _"Thank you for coming out tonight."_

 _"Thank you for inviting me. It was a nice time."_

 _She stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek._

 _"Goodnight Jay."_

 _"Goodnight Olivia, let me know when you get home."_

 _The next day at work, all the girls were grilling her for details. Did you kiss him, was he flirty, were you flirty, did you sleep with him, how did he act. She ignored all the questions and just said that for the first time in a long time, she had a good time. And she did, Jay's nervousness had balanced out her own and it made her feel comfortable._

 _It was two days later when they saw each other again. One of his friends had called her late at night to come get him from the bar. He was wasted and demanding he could drive. She was out the door and in her car in seconds and on her way to get him._

 _"Livi!" he yelled when he saw her._

 _He was standing outside with his friends, who were holding him up._

 _"Hi Jay, come get in the car, let's go home."_

 _It took some maneuvering but they got him into the front seat and she was on her way to his place._

 _"Throw up in my car and I will kill you."_

 _"Murder is a crime, murdering a cop is even worse."_

 _By the time they got to his door, he was sobering up and sweating bullets. As soon as he walked in he ran to the bathroom to throw up, and throw up and throw up. She helped him into bed and gave him some water and aspirin and he was out like a light. Olivia thought about leaving, but was nervous to, what fi he got sick again, or needed help, or threw up in bed and suffocated in it...ew gross. She grabbed the throw blanket off the back of the couch and laid down._

 _The next morning the smell of coffee woke her up. Jay was in the kitchen making breakfast, no trace of a hang over. He smiled brightly at her as he cooked on the stove. She sat at the little table and watched him._

 _"You didn't have to stay last night."_

 _She shrugged._

 _"I was worried."_

 _"Thank you, and thanks for picking me up. I uh was kinda out of it."_

 _"No problem, it was entertaining."_

Olivia blinked her eyes open to see Jay sleeping next to her. That dream had felt so real, and then she realized that it wasn't a dream, but something that had happened in her past with Jay. Jay was laying on his stomach and Olivia sat and watched him sleep. One arm under his head, mouth open just a little bit, he wasn't a snorer, but she noticed the bags under his eyes. She never took into consideration how much this affected him also and she felt bad. She couldn't imagine how it felt for him to look at her and see everything she couldn't remember and that upset her. But she would try, for him she would.

He rolled over and outstretched his arm as if he were looking for her in his sleep. She scooted over into him and he held her to his chest and she closed her eyes. Jay was warm, like a personal space heater, which was great bc she was freezing. Content, she allowed herself to sleep for a few more hours.


	11. Sunday Mornings

Olivia woke to birds chirping outside the open window. It was a warm morning in early April. She had spent the night at Jay's place. They'd been spend most nights alternating between both of their places lately, since she had remembered the whole pillow thing. She hadn't remembered anything since then, but it was okay. They were going to make new memories and if the old ones came back, so be it. They'd moved forward in their relationship and weren't officially dating, but it was obvious. Oddly enough, it felt more normal to her to be this way with him and to not.

Quietly and gently, she slipped out of bed not to wake Jay or Owen. They started Taking Owen most Saturday nights after she got out of work and they would have him for the weekend. Something Will and Natalie appreciated and Owen loved because weekends with Uncle Jay and Aunt Olivia hardly had any rules. Staying up past his usual bedtime, eating junk food and sweets, whatever he wanted.

She turned on the coffee pot and started breakfast. Owen wanted pancakes, bacon and eggs. Olivia decided to cut up fresh fruit too. She put creamer in her coffee and hummed along to the music playing on her phone. She liked listening to instrumental music in the morning, especially on Sunday's. That was a new interest, she found it soothing. A pair of arms snuck around her waist and a sleepy head rested into the side of her neck.

"Did I wake you?" She asked.

"Kinda, I rolled over to grab you and only Owen was in bed."

"Sorry, I should've had the music lower."

"I like the music."

Olivia laughed at him.

"You shouldn't lie."

"Okay fine, I only like it on Sunday mornings."

"That sounded believable."

She turned to face him.

"Come back to bed Livi."

"I've already started breakfast."

"What happened to sleeping in on Sunday's?" He asked.

She took in his appearance. He still looked exhausted.

"You go back to sleep before Owen wakes."

He shook his head.

"And miss out on alone time with you, no way."

He held her a little tighter.

"Jay, I-"

"Uncle Jay! Aunt Olivia!"

Owen came running into the kitchen to hug them good morning. Jay scooped him up.

"The instruments are playing, that means its special breakfast Sunday! Uncle Jay can we make the drippy eggs."

Jay sat him on the counter.

"Over easy eggs, Owen." He corrected.

"How come you and Aunt Olivia aren't married?"

This was about to get awkward.

"Because we're good friends."

"Daddy says you guys should get married, You belong together."

"Daddy should keep his mouth shut." Jay said.

Olivia elbowed him.

"Uncle Jay and I are very close friends, why don't you go brush your teeth and we'll start breakfast."

Will and Natalie had picked up Owen after dinner . Like usual, Owen didn't want to leave and put up a fight, and they carried him out while having a fit.

"I'm gonna head home, Jay. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"You don't wanna spend the night?"

"I've spent the past three nights here. you look beat, you should rest."

"Is this about this morning?"

"No, of course not." She answered quickly.

"Okay, then what's bothering you?"

"Nothing, it's just a headache."

"Why don't you lay down for a bit."

She winced in pain and wobbled.

"Liv, you alright?"

She swayed and Jay went to hold her up.

"Liv, can you hear me?"

His touch was like lightening shooting through her body. Painful little fireworks going off in her brain. Flashes of memories and faces on hyper speed, every emotion all at once and she could faintly hear Jay calling her name. Her eyes shot open and she pushed him away.

"What the hell just happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure."

"We should go to the hospital."

"Jay, I don't need to go to Med."

He contemplated fighting her on it.

"Fine, but you're staying here and going to the doctor in the morning."

"Doctor said it was most likely my brain misfiring signals."

"Most likely?! What kind of answer is that!"

She was standing on line waiting for her coffee while on the phone with Jay.

"We should find another doctor."

"But I like my doctor."

"He's useless! You're not even getting any better."

That hurt her feelings a little bit.

"Maybe you need to get used to the fact that the Olivia you knew, isn't coming back!"

Click.

6:25 pm on a Friday night and Jay was sitting in the parking lot of her job debating if he should go in or not. After all, he was due for his haircut. Things hadn't really been the same since she hung up on him. He couldn't really blame her for being upset, but he was upset too. His phone chimed and it was one of her friends.

 **To Jay, from Diana**

 **Shit or get off the pot Halstead. I saw you pull into the lot. She's just as miserable as you are, and she's having a bad day, don't make it worse.**

She glanced at him when he walked in. He watched her take a breath and then she waved him over to his chair.

"Hi." He said.

"Hey." She responded flatly.

He sighed.

"Oliv-"

"Don't, not here."

"Can I please come over tonight, so we can talk?"

She hesitated and he felt terrible that she really had to second guess spending time with him.

"Sure, I'll meet you at my house later."


	12. Talk It Out

"You didn't have to bring take out, I could've cooked."

"Figured I'd save you the trouble."

"Beer?"

"Please."

She placed his beer on the coffee table then grabbed one of the containers of food and sat on the same couch next to him.

"I'm sorry." They said at the same time.

"I'm sorry I never took your feelings into consideration. This is just as tough for you as it is for me." She said.

"I'm sorry I made this hard for you, forcing your old life with me down your throat. I never meant for you to ever feel out of place or that you didn't belong. "Jay said.

She shook her head.

"You never ever made me feel like that. The complete opposite in fact, I think that's what scares me the most."

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged.

"Never mind."

"No way, out with it. We're talking about everything so we can move past it."

"You always felt safe to me, since the second I woke up in the hospital. Even when you lingered around or snuck in when I was sleeping and you thought I didn't know. I always knew you were there, and when you weren't I felt alone and vulnerable. You make me feel like no matter what happens, I'll always have you."

"And you will."

"I wanted to get better, mainly for you because you were trying so hard to help me. Every time we tried something and it didn't work, my heart broke for you."

"You have to want to get better too."

She nodded and bit her lip.

"Did you love me before all this?" She asked softly.

"Course I did, I still do, I'll always have your back. And so will everyone at 21, Nat and Will, your friends."

"That's not what I meant Jay."

Jay took a long swig of his beer, more like chugged half of it.

"You did, did't you? Did I know that before? Why didn't you tell me when I asked you months ago if we we're a thing? Did everyone know or was I the only idio-"

"Livi, stop."

"I want the truth Jay, please, I'm begging you."

Jay had been dreading this.

"Looking back at it all now, I understand why people always thought we we're dating. A lot of what we do and how we act is very couple-like. In those moments, it all felt so normal, so natural. I finally realized it the night you went missing. I've been through a lot, seen a lot, dealt with a lot, but that...that got to me. Every second of that week, I don't have words to describe how it felt. Every call, text, anything, just broke me down a little more."

He stopped to collect himself.

"The night we found you, well found out where your phone was, I was afraid of what I'd find. You changed my life, I wasn't ready to let you go, I didn't want to. You're all I've got left."

She scooted closer to him

"You have Will and his family, your unit..."

"But I didn't have you. I would've given everything up just to have you back. And I saw how I blindly missed the chance, almost having to face the fact that I might not ever get it again. Seeing you tied up and that prick holding a gun to your head, I knew I was going to kill him. He deserved it and I didn't care."

"I know he did."

"And he'll never hurt you again."

"No, he won't, and I have you to be grateful to for that. I'll never have to worry again."

Jay looked at her with tears in his eyes.

"But you can still remember him, every horrible thing he's ever done. And all our good memories are gone."

She wiped away one of his tears.

"Bits and pieces of us are coming back, but-"

"But the chance they'll all come back is slim, I know."

"I can see how much you cared for the old Olivia and I see hoe much you love me now, how genuine it all is. I just want you to be happy, and how can you be happy if we're constantly worrying about yesterday."

"I kissed you that night."

"You did?"

He nodded.

"I was holding onto you so tight as you cried. I didn't care if you were gonna push me away or punch me in the face. I just had to kiss you, and then you kissed me back, and I thought we we're gonna be perfect. Then you passed out in my arms."

"Must've been some kiss." She joked.

He nudged her.

"Not funny."

"It was a little funny."

"Okay, maybe it was.

"Can I ask you a serious question?"

"Sure." He sipped his beer again.

"Why did you walk away when I woke up and din't remember you or during the month it took me to come see you?"

"Seriously? Because I loved you Olivia."

"You loved the Olivia you used to know."

He tangled his fingers with hers.

"No, I love you. You're still Olivia to me."

"But I'm different."

"But you're still here. Your eyes sparkle every time you see Owen, you capture any room you walk into. But the way you look at me, that...there is nothing in the world like it. It's like I'm the only person you can see. And your smile, oh my god, don't even get me started."

She gave a soft smile.

"I think I've fallen in love with you Jay."

"I've always been in love with you."

"I think you should have that second chance now." She whispered.

"Me too."

He leaned down to kiss her.

"The kiss was definitely why I passed out the first time."


	13. Birthday Love

He couldn't wait to get home to his girl. They'd been dating for a couple weeks, but they'd kept it to themselves. He had been moving most of his stuff into her house again, but slowly before he officially moved in. Her place had more space to build a future together. He had left for work before she was up and they both had been so busy, they barely spoke all day but he knew she had special plans for his birthday.

She hadn't heard him come in, so he stood there and admired her. She stood at the counter in a short, silk, cobalt blue robe that came to a stop at the top of her thighs. Her blonde hair was curled and perfectly messy. Her lips as equally perfected with her favorite shade of red, and the earrings Jay had bought her last year adorned her ears. She leaned over sipping wine, and scrolling through her phone. He quietly snuck up behind her. He grabbed her from behind and Olivia knew it was him by his cologne. She pushed herself back into him.

"Welcome home Detective."

Her voice had a rasp to it and it was the sexiest thing he's ever heard.

"It has to be illegal for you to look this damn good."

She turned and looked at him with a sinful smile.

"Does that mean you're gonna put me in cuffs?" She fake pouted.

"Jesus Christ, help me."

He lifted her onto the counter and she shivered at the feel of the cold granite against her skin. She locked her ankles around his waist and draped her arms around his neck.

"Happy Birthday baby." She said kissing him," I hope you haven't had dinner yet. I know it's kinda late."

"I haven't yet, but I'm about to." He said eyeing her up and down.

She pushed him back slightly.

"I made an actual birthday dinner."

The dinning room table was set for the two of them with food, candles, and wine.

"Oh so I have to put you on the dining room table, I get it."

She laughed at him.

"Dessert before dinner doesn't sound right."

"It sounds really good to me."

"Eat up, you're gonna need all your strength." she winked.

During dinner she placed a small bag in front of him.

"What's this?"

"One of your presents."

"One?"

"Kinda...just open it, I'm freaking out."

Jay pulled out two tickets.

"Field seats to a Bears game! Stop! How'd you manage to get these."

"I know people." She shrugged, "There's more."

He dug to the bottom and pulled out the key and chain he used to wear.

"I noticed you stopped wearing it. And then I found the letter in my room. I want you to start wearing it again. But I also want you to promise me that you'll always come home, I know your job is scary and risky, but come home, to our home, to me."

"I will always come home to you."

She put the chain around his neck.

"Perfect."

She kissed him and held out her hand.

"Ready for dessert?"

Jay scooped her up and quickly carried her upstairs and tossed her on the bed.

Jay woke the next morning and looked down at the beautiful girl sleeping on his chest. Last night was more than he ever thought it could be. The way they fit together, moved together, it was perfect with her. She was like nothing or no one else and he was addicted to her.

"Stop staring you weirdo."

Jay raised an eyebrow.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Way before you."

She snuggled into him.

"I love you Olivia."

"I love you too, Jay."

She rolled herself over and sat herself on top of him, reigniting the fire from the night before.

"God, Liv, a little warning."

"You feel ready to me."

That was true, but then again, how could he not wake up rock solid next to her. She flexed her hips and took him deeper. He gripped her hips and stopped her.

"Wait, wait, we have to stop."

"What, why?"

"I have nothing on."

"I don't care."

"I won't be able to stop."

"I'm not asking you to." She whispered in his ear.

It was late morning when she stood from bed.

"Where are you going?"

She walked towards the ensuite bathroom.

"The girls are coming over to help us get ready for the CPD Gala tonight. I have to shower."

She closed the door and locked it.

"I could help you." He called.

"I would like to be able to walk." She laughed.

Her hair was curled and set in pins when when he walked into the kitchen to grab coffee.

"Liv, ladies." He greeted.

He could feel them staring at his back.

"What?" He said, turning around.

"Nothing, can you re-fill my mug?" Olivia asked.

Jay walked over and took her cup.

"I'm sure he can re-fill something else too." Diana said.

"Diana!" Olivia softly shouted.

All the girls smirked and Jay's cheeks flushed.

"You told them, huh?"

"No, but you just did." Yvonne said.

They all laughed.

"That mean you two a thing now?" Another asked.

Jay handed Olivia her mug and kissed her.

"I'll be back, I gotta pick up my tux. Love you."

"Love you too."

Jay heard them whispering as he walked to the door.

"Please tell me he's as good as he looks?"

He waited for Olivia to respond.

"He's a fucking sex god."

Jay smirked and walked out the door.


	14. Cutest Couple

A/U: hope you guys are all enjoying the story so far! I was so super nervous to post this story and give it a go, but i'm so super grateful you all take the time to read it

She looked like a movie star, sitting in the kitchen with the girls chatting away, all dolled up and in her blue robe that reminded him of last night. Olivia spotted Jay and her face lit up. No one had ever looked at him the way she does. Even before she had lost a part of her memory, she looked at Jay like he was the sun, the moon and the stars in her world, and he had always taken it for granted, but not anymore. He was head over heels for her. She helped the girls pack up their things, and walked them all to the front door.

"Hi." She said wrapping her arms around him.

"Sorry I spilled the beans."

"I'm pretty sure they knew the second I wobbled into the kitchen."

"One of my many talents as a sex god."

She shoved him.

"You were listening?!"

He shrugged.

"Look, about this morning, when we...ya know."

"Yeah?"

"All it takes is one time."

She knew what he meant.

"Jay, It'll be fine."

"Yeah, but what if-"

She stopped him.

"Then we'll figure it out."

He kissed her.

"And for the record, I would have babies with you." She said.

"I don't know." He said, hesitantly.

She stepped back and raised an eyebrow.

"Little halsteads or with me?"

He didn't answer and there was awkward silence.

"Right, got it."

"Liv, wait-"

"We should get dressed, the car will be here soon."

She was standing in her large walk in closet when he found her sometime later. She was nervously adjusting her whole outfit. Hair, jewelry, her dress, turning every which way to look at herself in the full length lit mirror. Her nervous energy radiated off of her like a space heater.

"You look beautiful."

She jumped at the sound of his voice.

"Jesus Jay, would you stop that."

"I didn't mean to scare you."

Her black high neck dress fit her form and came to her mid thigh. There was a piece of fabric on her side that ribboned to the bottom of her dress to accent her curves. Rose gold metallic pumps adorned her feet.

"Ravishing." He said.

"You went with the velvet jacket."

She walked over and straightened his tie.

"You said you like it better than the other one."

"I also like how you went with the dark blue, but you look good in everything."

She turned to the mirror again. He wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"Stop fussing."

"I can't help it. I'm so anxious."

"We don't have to go if you're not comfortable."

She shook her head.

"Come on, lets go have fun."

Olivia was breezing by the table toward the bar with Hailey and Kim. She grabbed Jay's hand, tugging him out of his seat.

"Shots, then dancing."

"Shots yes, dancing no." He said.

"C'mon Jay, have a little fun."

"Oh I will later."

She rolled her eyes and downed the shot and Kim dragged her back to the dance floor, and Hank walked over to the bar.

"She doing alright?" He asked.

"Good days and bad days."

"What about you?"

Jay sighed.

"Sometimes I see the old her in the things she does, or the things she says. And then as quick as I see it, it's gone."

"That a problem for you? Because, son, I'm not sure you can walk away now."

"I don't know what I'm doing sarge."

"No one ever does, there's no rule book." Hank put his hand on Jay's shoulder. "She's not Erin, Jay, she's different. She's good for you."

Jay watched her laugh and dance and sing along to the music. She was having a blast. She had been so nervous because she wanted to fit in, represent him well, to be good enough. But that's the thing, she was already all those and see didn't see it. In fact she was more than good enough. Maybe too good for him. She had filled all the voids that Erin made when she walked away. When Erin first left, Olivia had stepped up to pick up all his broken pieces and put him back together even though they barely knew each other. Came and got him when he was smashed at the bar, stopped many fights when he was about to beat somebody's face in. Took time off of work to help him move back into his place, even did it on her own when he had to work or when he couldn't do it himself without losing it.

Maybe he was really never meant to be with Erin. He was starting to believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe Erin leaving, Olivia losing her memory, it was all meant for him, a sign to appreciate Olivia, realize what was standing in front of him. The one person who really grounded him. Jay put down his drink and made his way to the dance floor.

"Has hell frozen over!" She joked.

"Zip it Livi"

She laughed.

"You're such a grinch sometimes, lighten up, have a good time."

His jaw dropped a little.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing...actually, wanna get out of here? Go for a ride?"

"A ride?"

"Yeah, let's take the bike out."

She agreed, and they went home and changed. She stood in the driveway and stared at the purple helmet in her hands.

"You good?" He asked, climbing onto the bike.

"I'm kinda scared, I've never been on one before. What if I fall off?"

"You won't fall, I promise. We used to take the bike out all the time. If you don't like it, we'll stop and I'll never make you do it again."

"You promise?"

"I swear it."

"Okay, I'll try."

"Hold tight, you ready?"

Squeezed his middle.

"Let's go."


	15. You've Been Served

"I'm glad you decided to start therapy again."

She looked at Dr. Charles and then down at her coffee.

"Jay doesn't know." She said quietly.

"Well, your secret is safe with me."

She was quiet for a bit.

"Is it safe to say that my memories won't come back?"

"There's no real way to say for sure."

"I don't think they will."

"Why do you say that?"

"We've tried everything and gained nothing."

"How are you sure it's nothing?"

"Because most of the time, I still feel lost and confused. Like pieces are missing, that I don't belong."

"Have you told Jay."

"God no, I can't disappoint him anymore."

"From what I have seen, I can tell you, that's not true at all."

A tear fell from her eye.

"I see how he looks at me sometimes. I know he says to try and trigger my memory, and every time it doesn't work, I can see the pain and failure in his eyes, no matter how hard he tries to hide it."

"He's trying his best to help."

"I wonder sometimes if it's out of guilt."

Dr. Charles put down his pen.

"I think he's doing it because he loves you. Do you think you're the one carrying around guilt?"

She ignored the question.

"He doesn't want kids." She said, changing the subject.

"Do you?"

"I like having Owen around, and Jay is great with him. The thought of kids with Jay, makes my heart flutter."

"Having a nephew and children of your own are two very different things."

"I guess."

Let's get into memory therapy, shall we?"

"Okay."

She put her coffee down. She didn't really like memory therapy. It always drained her and she felt like she got nothing out of it.

"Olivia, I want you to close your eyes."

She did."

"Good, now let's revisit that night. What's happening?'

"Everything's blurry, I can't see clearly and there's no sound."

"What can you smell?"

"Musty maybe, like it's old and dirty."

"What can you feel?"

"Fear, I'm scared."

"What else? What's around you?"

"There's something...on my ankles and wrists , its tight, like it's binding me. There's a pressure against my temple and like something is behind me."

"You're doing great, keep going, what's happening? Remember you're in a safe space."

"I can hear...muffled voices, it's people yelling."

All the sudden she could see it clearly. Jay was standing at the foot of the bed, pointing a gun but it wasn't at her, it was pointed off to her right a little bit. Jay glanced at her once but was fixated on whatever was behind her. There was a hot breath on her neck and she cringed away. A loud bang exploded in her ear and she could feel a heavy weight on top of her.

Olivia jumped out of her seat, her heart racing and breathing ragged. It took her a couple seconds to remember where she was. Dr Charles ended their session and said that she made amazing strides today, she'd broken through the toughest memory.

"Ms. McKnight?" Someone called as she walked to her car.

"Can I help you?"

"Are you Olivia McKnight?"

"I am, can I help you with something?"

He handed her a manila folder.

"You've been served."

Served! By who! She got into her car and opened the envelope. Steven's family was suing Jay for the wrongful death of their son and she was being summoned to testify. Wrongful death, were they serious. Jay wasn't answering any of the calls to his desk phone or his cell so she drove as fast as she could to the district. Trudy informed her that the unit had gone on a raid and they would be back soon, so she buzzed Olivia upstairs .

Olivia sat at Jay's desk, careful not to touch or disturb anything, and she looked at his pictures. One with Will, one with Owen, one with the unit and many of her. Some new, some old. There was a frame that held two pictures side by side.

One picture was from the first christmas they shared together. She had gone to see Jay at Will's on Christmas Eve after she had spent time with her work friends. It was also her first time meeting Will, Natalie, and Owen. Jay had begged her to stay the night, but Olivia didn't want to intrude on their Christmas morning. Natalie insisted that she stay, and Olivia was so touched that they were willing to open their home to her. Natalie had snapped the picture on her and Jay sitting on the floor in front of the tree with her head on his shoulder, both paying no mind to her taking the photo.

The second one had been from their first New Years. They had been at Molly's. When midnight struck, fireworks started going off outside. Olivia had been so excited, so they grabbed their jackets and ran outside into the cold night. Jay had an arm around her and held her close, while she had one arm around his middle and one hand on his chest. She was looking up at the sky and he was looking down at her. It was such a sweet moment and she loved that picture.

"Hey girl, what's up." Adam said, coming up the stairs.

"Hey babe." Jay said coming over to her.

She handed Jay the envelope.

"I got served papers today. Why didn't you tell me about the lawsuit?"

"Because I'm trying to get it settled out of court, you were never suppose to be involved."

"I'll make some calls and have it taken care of."

"Olivia, no."

"Yes, Jay! Their son beat me for years. Forced me to have to restart my life, he kidnapped me, I lost part of my memory, my life with you, because of him. I won't sit back and watch this happen."

Jay hugged her.

"We'll figure it out."

She pointed to the double picture on his desk.

"I love those pictures. Man, I was so scared to go to Will's to see you, afraid to meet them, I almost didn't go. And that New Years, ugh do you remember how fucking cold it was!' She laughed, 'But the way the fireworks lit up the sky, it was so pretty."

Jay was staring at her with his mouth open.

"What?" She asked, curiously.

The whole unit was looking at her and then it clicked in her head.

"I remembered that.' Her hand flew to her mouth and her eyes filled with tears,' I'm remembered!"


	16. Pictures Of The Past

Olivia was putting away the clean laundry into one of Jay's dresser draws at his place when she found it. It was buried all the way at the bottom and she wondered how she hadn't found it sooner. Hesitantly, she picked up her old, destroyed phone, wondering why he kept it, and why he was hiding it. She plugged it in to give it a charge and it turned on. The lock screen was a sweet picture of Jay, Owen and herself. She swiped open the phone and her heart melted. The home screen photo was a beautiful one of her and Jay.

It looked like there was a lake behind them. Olivia was looking at the camera and smiling widely. Jay was kissing the side of her head. She looked so happy. Curiosity got the best of her and she began scrolling through the old pictures and videos on the phone.

They were mostly of the two of them. A few with her friends, a few selfies, some of Owen. Aton of Jay, some pictures you could tell he had no clue she has even taking. He was just so perfect. She clicked on a picture from 2017. He was bundled up in snow gear, and his snow goggles sat on top of his head, and he was covered in snow.

 _"How'd you do?" Olivia asked._

 _"Fine, until the guys started ticking around."_

 _"Jay's just pissy bd he lost a bet and has to buy drinks the rest of the night." Kevin said._

 _"Screw you guys, you cheated!"_

 _"You did fall and come in last." Antonio pointed out._

 _"You knocked me down!"_

 _everyone chuckled and Jay plopped down next to Olivia clearly annoyed._

 _"You'll win next time." She said handing him a steaming mug of hot liquid._

 _He raised a brow at her._

 _"Seriously?"_

 _"What! Everyone who's been coming in after a run on the mountain has been getting spiked hot chocolate to warm it. It's delicious."_

 _"Aw did your snow bunny get you a hot coco to warm up." Adam taunted._

 _Olivia put the cup on the table and smirked._

 _"At least he's got a snow bunny Adam."_

 _Everyone laughed. Olivia batted her eyes at Jay and rested one hand at the top of his pants and puffed her lips a bit._

 _"I was thinking we could go back to the room and really warm up? Wanna go?" She asked biting her lip._

 _Jay jumped up and pulled her along._

 _"God yes."_

 _As soon as they were outside they burst out laughing._

 _"You know what they're gonna think now right?"_

 _"Who cares," She laughed, "I'm pretty sure they think you're about to bang the blonde out here."_

 _She was playful and they both knew they were feeding into the fire of what their friends thought. But seeing all their faces was priceless and worth it._

 _"Let's go to the shops." She said._

 _"I don't, that whole room thing sounds pretty good."_

 _"Nice try Halstead, but buy a girl some dinner first."_

That was a fun trip, they'd have to go back to Park City soon. Another photo was on them on a beach. It looked like they were laying on a lounge chair together with drinks in there hand. Someone had taken the photo of them.

 _Jay had just come out of the ocean and laid down next to her on the two person lounge._

 _"You're getting me all wet!" She exclaimed._

 _"Oh, is that so?"_

 _"Ew, don't be gross."_

 _"Come in the water with me."_

 _"Nooo." she whined._

 _"I will throw you in."_

 _Jay convinced her to go in with him and they floated for a bit before she hung onto his back with her arms around his neck._

 _"Only two more days in paradise." She sighed._

 _"We can always come back to Cabo."_

 _"We should, or go some place knew. Make it a thing."_

 _"I'll go wherever you'll go."_

Another photo was of them down by the Chicago bean with the sun setting behind them.

 _"Do we have to take this picture? We look like tourists."_

 _"Who cares, you're never gonna see these people again."_

 _She quickly snapped the picture and turned to show Jay. The way the sun hit his face to illuminate his eyes took her breath away. He looked so stunningly handsome._

 _"You okay Livi?"_

 _She smiled._

 _"I'm good."_

 _"You sure?"_

 _"Right as rain."_

"Whatcha got there?" Jay said, crawling onto the bed.

"I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm sorry,' he kissed her cheek,'What are you looking at?"

Olivia held up the phone and Jay sat back a bit.

"How'd you find that?"

"You didn't hide it very well. I was putting away the laundry."

"I wasn't hiding it on purpose. I just, I don't even know."

He looked sad, heartbroken and slightly embarrassed.

"I like to look at them sometimes. And I know that's not fair to you, but I don't want to let those memories go, I can't."

"Jay, I don't want you to let them go, I could never ask you to do that."

"It's not fair to you, I'll get rid of the phone."

"What if we kept it?"

"Olivia..."

"Hear me out Halstead. What if a couple times a week, you tell me about the pictures."

"You'd want me to do that?"

"Very much actually."


	17. BackDraft

Jay was exhausted, dead on his feet exhausted. He and Olivia were up all night going through pictures. Some she remembered, some she didn't. During some of the breaks they took from looking at the pictures resulted in having some adult time which led to zero sleep. But it was Friday and he had the weekend off and it was almost end of shift. Hailey and Jay had stopped at a local coffee shop to grab a bite to eat when the call came over the radio.

"District 21 intelligence, please respond. Firehouse 51 is requesting your assistance along with patrol to a building fire at Hemming's Plaza."

Jay's ears perked up. Hemming's plaza was one shopping center over from the salon Olivia worked it. She walked over there all the time when she didn't have any clients.

"5021 George responding. Patrol please be advised, plain clothes officers will be on the scene."

"10-4, 5021 George. All units responding, plain clothes officers will be on scene to assist."

 **To Olivia, from Jay**

 **Responding to the fire at Hemmings, you okay?"**

By the time Jay and Hailey arrived, Olivia still hasn't answered and there was chaos everywhere.

 **To Olivia, from Jay**

 **I'm trying not to worry, where are you**

People were everywhere, and 51 seemed to be handling the chaos the best they could. There were a couple guys walking around, watching intently and it just gave them all a weird vibe. Atwater and Ruzek began taking care of that and Jay began asking around if anyone had seen Olivia, but no luck. All anyone said was, ' don't worry, she's got to be around here somewhere' which didn't make Jay feel any better. Jay didn't even see any of the girls from the shop.

"Halstead,' Voight called out 'Get the rest of the statements and head back to log them in and get the board set up."

Voight noticed Jay wasn't really pay attention.

"Halstead you can either get your head out of your ass or you can go home. It's that simple."

"Sorry Sarge, I just can't get in touch with Liv and I'm worried."

Hank understood but they still had a job to do.

"Alright, everyone keep you eyes open for her while you work."

Jay was finishing up a statement when he saw her. She was walking with Severide and she had his fire coat around her. She glanced up and saw Jay, relief washed over her. He was about to run to her when his radio, along with everyone else's went off.

"This is captain Casey, all units, everybody get down, take cover! Backdraft! Backdraft!"

Severide was pushing her into one of the fire trucks when it happened. The blast sent Jay flying into the side of one of the patrol cars and onto the concrete. There was dark sooty, smoke everywhere and it was hard to see or breathe for a few minutes. The blast made him dizzy and his eyesight was blurry. Jay collapsed back to the floor, the screaming around him all muffled. Severide was trying to keep Olivia in the truck, but she needed to get out there, to find Jay.

"Olivia please, just stay in here." He begged holding her back.

"Kelly, let me go! JAY! JAY!"

She got out of the truck and took off running.

"JAY! JAY!"

It felt like it took a lifetime to find him. He was laying on the floor, having trouble breathing. She ran up to him and dropped to her knees next to him.

"Jay, baby, can you hear me?"

"Livi." He mumbled.

He tried to get up but she held him down.

"No, no, don't move, your head is bleeding pretty bad. HELP, SOMEBODY HELP!"

Paramedics from another firehouse came over to help. They got him stable on boards and loaded him into the ambo. Olivia went to follow but they stopped her.

"No ride alongs, sorry."

"I'm not leaving him!"

"You can follow us to Med, but you can't ride along."

"Don't make me get Hank Voight."

"What's going on?" Kelly said, jogging over.

"They won't let me go with him, I can't leave him Kelly."

Severide turned to the EMTs.

"I'm Lieutenant Severide from 51, Olivia Halstead stays with her husband at all times. Upset her again and you'll deal with me, chief Bowden, captain casey and Hank Voight."

The EMT stepped aside and Olvia quickly rushed to Jay's side.

Jay blinked his eyes open.

"Livi."

He tried puling the oxygen tube off his face,

"Hey, hey, hey, keep that on. You took in some smoke.

She sat on the bed, and moved his hands from his face.

"What about you? Did you get checked out? Are you okay?"

"Will says I'm fine."

He sighed in relief.

"Lay with me."

"I should get Will."

"Not yet, just lay here."

Olivia kicked off her shoes and climbed into bed. Jay wrapped his arms around her.

"That was really scary." She said.

"I'm sorry beautiful."

"Is that how you felt when Steven took me."

"More or less."

The door opened.

"Ah, Mr & Mrs Halstead, good to see you both, please no hospital sex."

"Can it Will." Jay said.

"Someone's cranky, how you feeling?"

"Good, when can I leave?"

"You're not going anywhere till you're 100%." Olivia said.

"Livi, I'm fine no need to overreact."

"Are you serious right now!?"

"You should listen to your wife Jay." Will joked.

"Shut up Will." They both said.

"Olivia, Jay is fine. Just some stitches and a mild concussion."

"See, told you." Jay said.

"Jay, no work for a week, you need to rest."

"See, told you." Olivia mocked.

"I'll go get those release papers." Will said, excusing himself.


	18. What About New York

Olivia stood under the hot spray of the shower after a long work day. Jay had snuck in behind her, put his arms around her and placed little kisses along her neck. She closed her eyes and leaned back into him.

"You're suppose to be resting."

"I've been resting all week, and right now, I just wanna spend the last hours of my medical leave, in bed, working on getting my endurance up."

Olivia turned and put her arms around Jay's neck.

"Just in bed? We have a whole house?" She smirked.

Hours later, they were laying in bed, exhausted and content.

"So, about this whole wife thing."

Olivia sat up.

"Not this again Jay."

"Why does it freak you out so much."

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because it was just something said so I could stay with you! Why does everyone keep acting like it could be a real thing?!"

"It could be."

Olivia turned to look at him.

"Dont, don't you dare."

"Liv-"

"No, okay. We can't be married! Don't even think about proposing right now!"

"First of all, calm down I'm not proposing right now. Second of all, why can't we be married?"

"Because things are good the was they are, why change it."

Jay scoffed.

"Okay, let's pretend you actually meant that. Why settle for good when you can have something that's perfect?"

"There's no such thing as perfect."

"I think you're perfect."

"That was so corny." She laughed.

"Maybe, but you smiled."

"I am far from perfect Jay."

He took her hand.

"What's the real reason Livi?"

"You deserve so much better than me."

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Considering I have a chunk of memories missing, I'd say yes."

Jay sat for a moment or two.

"So that's what this is about."

Olivia began to cry.

"How could you want to be with someone who can't remember her life with you."

"Because I can remember. Because I've never been as scared as I was when you were taken. Because the second I found you and kissed you, I knew you were my forever. Because hearing you being referred to as Mrs Halstead or us being called husband an wife, I've never wanted anything more."

"That was smooth," she smirked,"Did you practice that?"

Jay laughed.

"No, I don't even hang the ring yet."

"Shame."

"So it's official then, we're pre-engaged."

"There's no such thing Jay, that's just basically dating."

"It is too a thing, I hear pre-engaged sex is better than dating sex."

She raised an eyebrow.

"Is that so?" She asked, playing along.

"Mhm, we should test that theory." He said pulling her in for a kiss.

"Wouldn't being pre-engaged be the same as dating?" Will asked.

Jay had met up with Will during both of their shifts to grab coffee and to tell his brother the good news. Will had been confused by the whole thing, claiming it made no sense.

"No, it's completely different." Jay argued.

"Really, how so?"

"Because it just is! Is it really that hard for you to just be happy for me!"

"I sm happy for you Jay!"

Jay rolled his eyes.

"I can tell by how sincere that sounded."

"Jay, you know I do mean it. After everything you've been through, then Erin, you deserve to be happy."

"So what's the issue?"

"What if she gets her memories back? The amnesia thats been cause from her traumatic event will eventually go away. It's only a matter of time, she's been getting better and remembering things."

"Then we'll deal with it."

"And what about New York? Then what Jay?"

"New York, what about New York?"

Will hesitated but his brother deserved to know the truth.

"I overheard her telling Nat that she wanted to go back, that she needed to."

"That's not true, she would've told me."

Will sighed.

"If this is what you really want Jay, you've got my support, you know that, and you always will. I just want to make sure everything goes the way you want it to. You're my brother, I'm always going to look out for you."

Will patted Jay's shoulder before leaving.

 **To Jay, from Olivia**

 **Molly's after work to celebrate your first week back? Tell the unit too! The shop girls are in**

 **To Olivia from Jay**

 **can you just meet me at home**

Jay entered the house quietly. He didn't need to because she wouldn't have heard him anyway with the music she was blasting. She was kinda singing kinda yelling along to the Backstreet Boys and dancing around the kitchen while she cooked, like she was at a concert or performing. He stood in the doorway and watched her. She spun around with the spatula in her hand as a microphone and shrieked when she saw Jay.

"What the fu-, Jesus Jay, stop doing that!"

He put his hands up in defense.

"I was enjoying the show."

"Jackass."

Jay sat at the island.

"So why'd you turn down a night at Molly's? Rough week?"

She plated up the food and sat next to him.

"I saw Will today."

"Okay."

"He said he heard you tell Natalie about needing to go to New York."

"I did." She admitted.

"Were you even going to tell me?"

"Yes, of course."

"So why did I have to find out from my brother? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I'm not going."

Jay put his fork down.

"Oh."

"I thought I did, that I needed closure. But then I realized it would only open old wounds. And then I thought maybe we could make a vacation out of it. But I don't want my old life mixed with my new life. My closure was meeting you, making a life with you."

"You really feel that way?"

"Of course I do, I wouldn't agree to eventually marry you if I felt otherwise."


	19. Unfair Advantage

_She knocked on his door for the third time. She knew he was there and just being a dick an not answering._

 _"Jay, it's me, come on, open the door."_

 _She banged on the door again._

 _"Jay, I will kick this bitch open!"_

 _The door swung open, and Olivia gasped, he looked like shit. His eyes were red and puffy, his knuckles cut up and bleeding._

 _"Go home Olivia."_

 _"Not happening."_

 _She pushed her way past him into the apartment. It was trashed._

 _"Will called me." She said._

 _"Of course he did."_

 _"He said you took off, broke your phone."_

 _"So what."_

 _"Jay," She said softly,"Why didn't you call me."_

 _She wrapped her arms tightly around him._

 _"Let's clean up your hands."_

 _Jay sat on the edge of the tub while she tended to his bloody hands._

 _"Let me see your side."_

 _"Liv-"_

 _"Let me see it Jay." she demanded._

 _Jay lifted his shirt and she ran her fingers over the patch on his side. He couldn't look at her, he felt ashamed, and she lifted his chin._

 _"What we're you thinking?"_

 _"I had to get him, I had to..."_

 _She placed her hands on either side of his face._

 _"I know, but you listen to me. Don't you ever, ever do that again. Don't you ever scare me life that again. Do you hear me? You come home, safe, every night Jay, every fucking night."_

 _"I'm sorry, I...I-"_

 _"It's okay, it's gonna be okay."_

 _Olivia held him as he cried._

 _Jay had insisted that Olivia sat with him, Will and Natalie during all the services. And if that's what Jay wanted and needed then she'd do it, that's where she'd be. She was constantly at his side, he hardly let go of her hand. She knew when he needed a break, and when he was starting to feel overwhelmed, and she would take him outside for some air. At the grave sight, Olivia kept a tight grip on him. She knew he wanted to take off, but she wouldn't let him, he needed to be here._

 _"Liv, I gotta go." He whispered._

 _"You're not going anywhere." She whispered back._

 _"I can't do this."_

 _"You can, focus on me. My hand in yours, and when this is over will go home and not be bothered by anyone, just the two of us."_

 _"Livi, please." He pleaded._

 _Jay made it through, and as promised they went home and skipped the luncheon after the burial. She kicked off her heels as she walked into his place._

 _"Go lay down, you look beat. I'll be in, in a minute."_

 _Jay started to head to the bedroom but stopped._

 _"You should go, I wanna be alone."_

 _"Im gonna get some stuff done here, order in some food, clean up a bit. That way you don't have to worry about it."_

 _"It's fine, just go."_

 _"It won't take long, I don't mind."_

 _"Would you just leave! I don't want you here!" He yelled._

 _"Jay-"_

 _"You're so fucking annoying!"_

 _"I'm just trying to help."_

 _"Well don't! You're not my wife, you're not my girlfriend, you didn't even know my dad! You're just someone who cuts my hair and that I hang out with when I'm bored or there's no one else around."_

 _Slap! Jay was a little shocked. He didn't think she had it in her, but she did. She hit him hard enough to split his lip. She didn't say another word to him. She grabbed her bag and shoes and slammed the door closed behind her._

 _She hadn't been answering any of his calls or texts, not like he could blame her. She had one of the girls call and say that she had to cancel his appointment because she got stuck on site working a wedding. He knew it was a lie because he saw her truck in the parking lot and he had been sitting there most of the day himself, so he knew she was there. He shouldn't have lashed out at her the way he did, she didn't deserve it. She'd been so amazing through he dad's funeral and services. And when they weren't dealing with all that, she took care of all the things at home, made sure he ate, slept, the place was clean._

 _She was for regal and poised while she met some of his friends and family. There was a royal-likeness to her that Jay had never seen before. He watched how she greeted people and made conversation. People kept referring to her as his girlfriend, and she let it roll and stood close by. She held his hand and smiled at him lovingly._

 _He stood on her doorstep with flowers, debating if he should knock or not. He finally knocked and waited a minute for her to open up. She swung the door open and looked shocked to se him. She had on a CPD sweatshirt that had his name on it, he had been wondering where that went, a pair of leggings and fuzzy slippers._

 _"Nice sweatshirt." He said._

 _She rolled her eyes._

 _"What do you want Jay?"_

 _"Can I come in?"_

 _"Maybe I have a guy over."_

 _"I doubt it." He snorted._

 _"Excuse me?" She asked, offended._

 _"It took you seven months before you felt comfortable enough to wear sweats around me."_

 _"Yeah, so that means nothing."_

 _"And how many months before you invited me over?" He asked pretending to think even though he knew._

 _"You being a detective sucks, and it's an unfair advantage." she stepped to the side and let him in._

 _"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have treated you the way I did. I wouldn't have gotten through all this without you, so thank you."_

 _"You're apologies could use some work." She smirked._

 _"I'll keep that in mind for the future."_

 _She hugged him and he kissed the top of her head._

 _"I'm sorry about your lip." She said._

 _"Don't be, it was a good hit."_

 _"I've had some practice."_

Olivia jolted awake, causing Jay to wake up.

"You okay? You alright?"

"Yeah...yeah...I'm fine." She panted out.

"What happened?" Jay asked.

"Just a dream, I think."


	20. Date Night

When Olivia woke the next morning, Jay had already left for work. She couldn't stop thinking about the dream she had last night. Though it felt more familiar, like a memory would. Looking back on it, she really didn't know much about Jay's family. She only knew Will and his family. Or maybe she did know and she just couldn't remember, that was a possibility too. It made Olivia think of her family and her life before Chicago. A life Jay knew nothing about, besides Steven.

She wasn't going to lie, she missed New York, more than she would admit, but being away from there for so long now didn't bother her as much as it did when she first came her. Now, she couldn't imagine moving back, or even going to visit, especially without Jay. Thinking about life now, a life without Jay just wasn't something she wanted.

Jay turned her life upside down, in a good way, when they met. He made the transition to Chicago so much easier. He was her beacon of light. Made her feel calm, at ease, made her laugh, feel safe. There was always something about Jay that she was drawn to, and she could never really pin point what it was, but overall it was just him being him. She loved being around him, and even though she couldn't remember most of her life with him before, her life with him now made her so happy.

She loved the way he made her laugh, his really corny jokes, the way he was with Owen. The way he held her at night or the way he kissed her. The way he kissed her was like nothing else in the world. Whether it was the simplest peck or the kinds where she melted to a puddle, it was always like the air was taken from her lungs, it created a burn in her soul that only he could make her feel, and she realized she loved him more than she thought possible.

Her phone buzzing on the night table brought her out of her thoughts.

"Hello."

"Good morning gorgeous."

"You didn't wake me before you left this morning."

"I know, I had to leave early and I didn't have the heart to wake you."

Why did he have to be so damn adorable.

"Next time, please wake me."

She couldn't be mad, but she had this thing, everybody has a thing. She needed to kiss Jay goodbye in the morning. She needed to kiss him and tell him to come home and be safe. When she didn't, it would drive her crazy all day. And it wasn't in that crazy girl friend kind of way, it was more like my boyfriend is a cop, and him walking out that door could be the last time.

"I know, I'm sorry. You just tossed and turned all night and I know you didn't sleep well. I am missing the morning kiss though."

She laughed and snuggled back into her pillows.

"I miss not giving you your kiss this morning."

"We need a vacation. Away from the world for a little bit, just the two of us."

"All I need is you and a bed."

"I just need you." She shot back.

He groaned into the phone.

"Livi." He warned.

"Would it help if I told you I'm still wearing what I was last night?"

"Considering that I know for a fact the only thing touching you is our sheets and the blanket, no it doesn't help at all."

"Didn't think so, but it was worth a shot."

"Thanks for that, listen I gotta go, but we're going out tonight. Wear a pair of your red bottoms."

"Where are we going? Do I need to be casual or fancy?"

"You'll look beautiful no matter what. I've gotta go babe."

"Come home and be safe."

Jay got home as she was slipping on her shoes. Navy blue cocktail dress with rose gold metallic red bottoms. She looked Jay up and down and bit her lip. There was something about him dressed in a suit that set a different kind of fire in her.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

"Do we have to?"

Jay had taken her to this really fancy and expensive restaurant down by the riverwalk. They had a private table, away from the crowd, lit with candles and bottles of wine and champagne on it. Food was brought out to them without them even ordering and Olivia's mind raced with thoughts. Jay held her hand during dinner and kept their fingers locked. After dinner the walked around outside for a bit before stopping on the bridge. Jay stood behind her with his arms around her. She turned and looped her arms around his neck.

"What was all this about?"

He shrugged.

"I realized this morning while you were sleeping, how lucky I am. I got a second chance at life with you. Not that our first chance was bad, but this second chance, I don't know. You just mean the world to me, and I want to make you happy and loved and give you the world."

"Jay, I don't need fancy dinners or expensive presents or vacations or the world. All I need is you."

"Yeah but-"

"I'm serious, I will never forget that feeling of thinking that Steven took you away from. I didn't believe him at first, and after a couple days when you hadn't found me, I started to believe him. And I didn't care what he did to me. I wanted him to kill me, thought it would take away the pain of losing you. When you walked into that room, I swear to God, I just couldn't wait to have my arms around you. You're all I need, anywhere in this world, all I need is you."


	21. Auntie Liv

Owen jumped out of Jay's truck and took the coffee from Jay's hand and ran to the door before swinging it open and storming into the salon. Jay slowly followed behind the small child.

"Auntie Liv, Auntie Liv!"

"Oh well hello my munchkin! Where's Uncle Jay?"

As if on cue, Jay strolled into the salon. He looked absolutely exhausted.

"Auntie Liv, we've brought you coffee."

"Owen we spoke about this, it's either Aunt Olivia or Auntie Olivia." Jay corrected.

"But you call her Liv or Livi." He shot back.

Jay looked like he was going to lose it.

"Owen go sit in my chair, I'll cut your hair first."

Owen scampered over to her chair and sat down swinging her legs. Olivia turned to Jay.

"He giving you a rough time today?"

"Just being his usual self."

"Ooohhh so then it's your possessiveness. You don't like that he calls me Liv."

"What, no, why would that bother me." Jay made a face.

"That's the lying face. Jay he's our nephew."

"I don't care. I'm the only one who can call you Liv or Livi. That's my thing."

"You're cute when you're jealous."

"I'm not cute and I'm jealous."

"Mhm, of course not, come on both of you need haircuts."

"I WANT ICE CREAM! I WANT ICE CREAM! I WANT ICE CREAM!" Owen screamed as he ran around the apartment.

"It's late and past your bedtime, you're not having ice cream." Olivia said.

"I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!"

Jay had had enough of the temper tantrum that Owen had been having for the past 45 minutes.

"OWEN MICHAEL!" he yelled,"That is enough. Bed, now."

Jay never yelled at Owen. Owen's little lip pouted and he ran into the bedroom.

"You shouldn't have yelled at him like that." Olivia said.

"He needs to learn he can't carry on like that."

"And you need to realize he's a child, Jay. Kids throw tantrums."

Jay sighed and got off the couch and went into the bedroom. Owen was laying under the covers, sniffling.

"Hey little man, I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Owen turned away from him.

"O, come on, I said i was sorry."

"You were mean."

"I know and I shouldn't have been."

"Why can't I called Aunt Olivia, Livi too?"

"That's my special name for her."

"Because you love her?"

Jay smiled.

"Very much."

"I love her too."

"She's pretty great huh?"

"She's the bestest."

"Yeah she is. I got pretty lucky."

"How come she doesn't remember some stuff?"

Jay looked at him with confusion.

"How do you know about that?"

"I heard Mom and Dad talking about it."

"That was an adult conversation that you shouldn't have been listening to."

"I didn't mean to."

Owen liked to snoop around.

"Well, still it's nothing that concerns you."

"Is that why she was gone for so long?"

Owen wasn't going to stop so Jay had no choice but to talk to him about it.

"Something really bad happened to Aunt Olivia, someone took her from me...from us for a bit and they hurt her. It took a little bit but we found her and she was really really scared because she didn't think I was coming for her."

"That's silly, you find everybody."

"The man that took her told her really bad and scary lies, made her think the were true. When we took her to the hospital, Daddy fixed up all her cuts, and when she woke up she couldn't remember me or dad or mom or you. She didn't remember anything about any of us. After a little bit, she remembered everyone but me."

"What! How did she not remember you! You're best friends!"

"Owen, amnesia happens sometimes when something bad happens, it takes away memories and sometimes you don't get them back."

"So that's why she was gone?"

"Yes."

"But she's back now, so she remembers."

"She doesn't remember a lot still but she's trying."

"What doesn't she remember?"

Jay sighed.

"Me."

"What!" Owen exclaimed "How, why, but you guys seem happy."

"We're happy now, but we kinda had to start over. She knew that she knew me, she just couldn't remember how or why. She can't remember any of our memories together."

"Does that make you sad?"

"Yeah, a little bit. We have a lot of good memories. But we're making new ones and all that matters is that she's here."

"Do you love Aunt Olivia like Daddy loves Mommy?"

"I do, very much so."

"I'm glad you found her Uncle Jay."

"Yeah, me too. Get some sleep buddy, maybe we'll go for breakfast tomorrow instead of cooking."

Jay kissed the top of his head and then went to sit with Olivia on the couch.

"Everything go okay? You were in there for a while." She asked.

"Yeah, we talked some stuff out."

"What stuff?" She raised an eyebrow.

"He had questions about you."

She turned to him.

"Questions, what kind of questions?"

"Why you were gone for a bit, stuff like that."

Olivia sighed.

"I'm sorry, that should've been something that I did."

Jay shook his head.

"I'm glad it was me. You don't need to relive all that."

She leaned forward to kiss him.

"How did I get so lucky?" She asked.

"We both got lucky. We both got a second chance for us."

"That's the one good thing that came out of all of this. I love you more than life itself Jay."


	22. Cabin Stay

Jay put the last of the bags into the back of the truck and got into the drivers seat. Olivia was fiddling with the radio and hooking up her phone. They were heading up to the Halstead family's cabin in northern Wisconsin. They'd be there for a few days alone before their friends came up for a Memorial day BBQ. Olivia was excited to be going away for a few days and to be spending a chunk of them alone with Jay.

"Please don't make me listen to the Backstreet Boys or Bieber for the next six hours."

Olivia scoffed in defense.

"I control the radio and you drive."

Jay rolled his eyes. That was the deal he made. They stopped for coffee and headed out on the road. Jay was actually having fun singing along with her at the top of their lungs. She seemed different, more at ease. She seemed like the Olivia she was before she was taken. She flipped up the center console and scooted closer to Jay.

"I love you, you know that?" She asked kissing his neck.

"Olivia, I'm driving." He warned.

"Then I guess you better keep focus on the road."

She worked her way down and undid his pants and took him in her mouth.

"Jesus Christ Liv."

She hummed against him as she worked, slowly and torturously. After a bit she gave in and took him all the way down to the base. The feeling of him completely taken by her put him over the edge and he lost it. She sat up, smiling, satisfied.

"You're lucky we didn't crash."

She laughed.

"That's be some story."

"Oh yeah," he said sarcastically "yeah my girlfriend took a steering wheel to the face because she was giving me road head."

Olivia looked at him.

"What?" Jay asked.

"That's the first time you've ever called me your girlfriend."

"Oh, um, well, I know we never talked about it or made it official."

"Are you asking?"

Jay smiled.

"We did agree on pre-engaged."

"So that's the thanks I get for the best road head of your life. Wow, okay, I see how it is."

"First and best." He corrected.

"Aw I feel so honored."

Jay pulled up to the outside of the cabin and the two of them climbed out of the truck. Olivia helped Jay take the stuff out of the back of the truck and looked around. The cabin was a lot bigger than what she thought it would be, and down a ways a bit there was a lake behind the house.

"You look like you were expecting a tent." Jay said as they went inside.

"When you said cabin I kinda just thought it would be small."

"You said that the first time you came up here."

"Oh, I did?"

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, no, it's okay. I kinda like when you remind me of things."

"I feel like it's throwing it in your face."

"Oh my god, stop it. Let's clean this place up."

"Alright you start in here, I'm gonna get the hot tub up and running, put all the chemicals and shit into it so it's good to go."

"There's a hot tub!"

Jay laughed at her.

"You said that too."

It took a couple hours but they got the house in order. They cooked up dinner together and Jay made a fire out back. She sat with a glass of wine and watched him. He really was something else. She finished her drink and went to stand behind him.

"I think we should use the hot tub before anyone else gets here tomorrow."

Jay tossed one last piece of wood onto the fire and took her to the hot tub.

"Yup okay, let's go."

They sat in the hot tub, sometime later, just listening to the nature and looking up at the stars.

"We're gonna have to clean this before everyone gets here."

"That's probably a good idea."

"But not yet." She said kissing him.

In one move, Jay lifted her and sank her on top of him. She gasped at the feeling of him and dropped her head onto his shoulder. He gripped her hips tighter and moved faster. She clenched around him and he dropped his head back.

"Jay, I-I-"

Jay thrusted into her one more time and that was all it took before she was seeing stars.

"This gets better every time. And you do that thing, Liv, holy hell."

The next day her legs still felt like jelly, and she was sure she was walking weird but she didn't care. Jay and the guys were standing around the grill, grilling up dinner and the girls were sitting by the fire pit. Jay and Olivia kept sneaking smiles at each other.

"So I'm gonna guess you and boy wonder have been using your free time well." Diana said.

"Huh?' She snapped out of it.

"That answered my question."

"You've got it bad for him." Yvonne said, taking a sip of beer.

"Oh he's got it just as bad for her." Hailey said.

"Stop, he does not." Olivia said.

"Are you kidding, all he talks about it you."

"He's dating a head case, there's so much to say." Olivia said dropping her smile.

"Olivia, that's not true."

"I don't ever want to disappoint him."

"I don't think you could." Kim said.

The guys came over and Olivia sat down next to Jay. He looked at her like she was the only thing he could see.

"Happy Memorial Day Halstead."

"Happy Memorial Day future Halstead."


	23. Tell Me A Story

They were sitting on the couch after everyone had left. They were drinking beer and looking through pictures on the old phone.

"Tell me about this one."

"Okay," He said, "Valentine's day, 2018."

She looked at him,expecting him to go, but he didn't.

"Well, what about it?"

"Valentine's Day 2018, I got stood up and I wound up at your place."

"You got stood up? THE Jay Halstead got stood up?"

"Shut up Liv."

"So why'd you come to my place?"

"Because I knew you'd be home."

She blew out an exaggerated breath.

"You're supposed to be helping me. Stop be elusive."

"Fine, it was my first serious date after Erin and I got stood up, so I went where I knew I wouldn't be alone."

Olivia felt kinda bad. She grabbed a blanket and put it over them.

"Tell me the story."

Jay huffed.

"I got ready at your place, you picked out my outfit, said I needed to look like a smoke. Waited at the restaurant for and hour and then I left. You were surprised to see me but let me in anyway. You had on my hoodie and a pair of leggings."

"I do like your hoodies."

"Yeah, whys is that anyways?"

"The smell like you and when I miss you it's like I have you around me...stop getting distracted, keep going."

"So bossy...anyway, you had ordered chinese for you and you called to get more for me. We just chilled, ate food and watched scary movies."

"Did you ever hear from that girl?"

"She tried to reach out but I ignored her."

"How come?"

"I'm not sure, but looking back at it now, she couldn't compete with you."

"Such a mush."

"I am not."

"You are too! But I won't tell."

Jay kissed the side of her head.

"Only for you."

Olivia scrolled through a few more before she stopped.

"Oh, I remember this one!" she said.

"You do?"

"Yeah! St. Patricks Day. Oh man we got so shit faced. I was out with the girls, hammered by the time you and the unit got there. Herman and Gabby let us dance on the bar and on the tables. You were so pissed and kept telling me to get down. I think I did it more because it made you mad more than I was having fun."

"You did like to test my limits."

"But you were there to catch me when I slipped off the bar. Good thing too, or that would've fucking hurt like hell."

"But you jumped right back up there."

"In my defense, I was in the middle of dancing to a song."

Jay laughed.

"You really thought you had some serious moves."

"I did, I'm a great dancer."

"Oh yeah, 100%."

"Please you love my kitchen concerts or car concerts, I'm a damn rockstar."

"Huh uh, sure. Come on pick another, tell me a story." Jay said.

Olivia scrolled back a little bit an settled on another picture of them. It must've been taken by a professional. It was black and white and there was a bright light behind them so you only saw their silhouettes. He was looking down at her and she was looking up at him. Her long dress fanned behind her.

"My first CPD gala."

"That's right."

"We danced a lot that night, and you hate dancing, but it was all slow and sweet music. The photographer begged to take this picture, said we'd be perfect for it. My dress was navy to match your navy suit, we did look pretty amazing, but what else is new. This was my first big event with you. The unit kept busting your balls about me being your date and you kept saying we were just friends. I was nervous to go, to be there with you. I really wanted to impress you and your friends, so I rented some high end designer dress and bought my first pair of Louboutins, and the way you looked at me, you were blown away. You told me I looked perfect." She shook her head, "I felt perfect."

Jay smiled at the thought of that night. He had been so nervous to ask her to go, and the guys really talked him into it. They were still newly friends and the CPD gala was always a big event. The media covered it and it was a big charity thing. Celebrities came and it was over all a good time. She loved fashion, music, all that stuff and when he asked her and she said yes, she really had no idea how big of a deal it was until her friends told her and then she kinda panicked and asked him a million times if he really wanted her to go. Of course he did, and truth be told she was the first girl, that wasn't related to the job that he ever asked to go.

"You looked so handsome in your suit. We got to feel famous for the night, all fancy and shit. I love going to those now, I look forward to it every year."

"Ugh, that makes one of us. Too rich people for me."

"I did a lot of that in New York, the rich people stuff."

"You never mentioned that."

"I could never safely talk about it."

"And you can now?"

"Kinda, now that Steven isn't around."

"What was your life in New York like?"

"I didn't live in the city, just long weekends my family had penthouses and apartments. We spent most of our time on Long Island. Mainly in a small town, and summers in the Hamptons. I loved it. I loved going into the city to go to a club or spend the weekend or to see a show or to shop, or a list things even though people didn't know me or concerts. A lot of people complain about Long Island or New York in general but I don't know it felt perfect for me. I never felt bored there. Summers in the Hamptons or at the campsite at Smiths Point when my aunt, uncle and cousins did a week here and there were fun when i went to spend the day. We'd have beach days, and pizza nights there, get excited over the ice cream man, play cards, drink, BBQ, visiting the campsite was a blast. I never spent the whole week there, sleeping in the camper wasn't my thing but I'd go out there almost every morning and spend the day or go for dinner and stay till late at night. We had money, but I worked, I did the same job there that I do here. That's the only thing that didn't change when I came here. I never thought I'd leave there."

Jay waited a second or two, took it all in.

"Do you miss New York, your family, your old life."

She sighed.

"Sometimes I do, I think I miss my family most. People at my job didn't take me seriously because I grew up with money. They didn't think I needed to work, and I didn't but my parents wanted my brother and I to work even though they gave us money. Wanted us to value it a bit more I guess."

"What did your parents do?"

"Mom worked in the schools, Dad owned a few Italian restaurants and pizzerias."

Jay shot her a look.

"Don't go there, everyone does. Far as we knew, my family has no ties to that life. My uncle worked in another pizzeria, my cousins all worked in one at some point, hell so did my brother and I. Those were fun times, when we all worked together." She laughed at the last bit.

"Probably drove your Dad and Uncle crazy."

"Opposite actually, they loved us working there, we got shit done and we ran shit well while having a great time."

"You sound like you were all close."

"We we're, I called my cousins my siblings because we were that close."

"You miss them?"

"So much, everyday."

She felt sad, and he saw it.

"Why didn't you go back, after everything with Steven ended here?"

Olivia thought about it.

"I considered going back, restarting life there again."

"Why didn't you?"

"I wanted to, I was scared when I woke up here and vaguely remembered this life. But how could I show up there after three years and be like 'Surprise I'm not dead' and expect things to go back to normal. They'd have questions that I don't want to answer."

"You don't think Steven's parents told yours."

"I don't know, they never really had contact before all this anyway."

"I'm sorry." Jay said.

"I also didn't go back because of you."

"What? Why me?"

"When I first woke up, I didn't know you, but I felt something, like a tugging, nagging feeling I guess. I had a feeling you were important to me. I struggled for a couple weeks debating if I should reach out to you or just leave, and then i decided to go back to the hospital and ask Will where I could find you, he gave me your address. That night I sat with you, I knew I made the right choice by staying."

"I don't want you giving up your life and what makes you happy for me."

She held his hand.

"I'm not giving up anything. You make me happy, my life here makes me happy, our friends make me happy."

"But your family and the money and the lifestyle you have there-"

"I had that there. But my family is here, sitting on this couch with me, our friends are our family Jay."

"You should go back, see them."

"No, I shouldn't."

"Why? And don't say it's because of me."

"Well, first of all I'd make you come with me. Second of all, I feel complete here. In case you haven't noticed my money status hasn't changed. How I still get my part of the money I'm not sure but my account is fully loaded so I don't ask questions."

"I don't know Livi."

"Do you...do you not want me here?"

"Of course I do. I just don't want you to regret anything."

"Trust me, I have no regrets. Sure I'll admit moving here was terrifying, and then waking up with holes in my memory was terrifying, but I don't want my old life anymore. I want my new life, the one I'm making with you. I love going to bed and waking up with you, I love our moments, I love nights with my friends and nights at Molly's, I love my life in Chicago, and I am completely, head over heals, heart racingly, butterfly feelingly, over the moon happily in love, with you."


	24. You Brought Home What?

Hi guys! hope everyone is liking the story so far, enjoy!

Responding to calls like this made Jay's heart race and his adrenaline spike. They were responding to a domestic call, neighbor heard multiple gunshots. Jay wasn't gonna lie, this call brought back the memories of what Olivia had told him. He shook all that off and got out of the truck. Gun drawn, Jay called that they were police and kicked in the front door. Two adults were shot to death in the living room. Jay was clearing one of the bedrooms upstairs, when he heard a noise come from the closet. Jay had his weapon ready and pulled open the door. There on the floor, sat this tiny little, blonde haired, blue eyed boy, who was looking up at Jay terrified.

"Hey buddy," Jay said putting his gun away,"It's okay, I'm a police officer, my name's Jay."

He crouched down to the little boys level.

"Are you hurt?" He asked, noticing the blood on his clothes, and the boy shook his head no.

"Mommy said to hide."

"And you did a great job. I'm gonna carry you out of here, okay?"

The little boy nodded.

"Guys, I'm coming down with a tender age boy, he was hiding in a closet. Have an ambo ready to roll." Jay radioed.

"10-4" Hailey responded.

Jay lifted the little boy up.

"Hold onto me okay? Keep your eyes closed till we're outside."

Jay held the little boy close to his chest and kept a hand over his eyes, hoping to hide as much as the carnage as he could. The little boy whimpered in his arms. All this mess was even a lot for Jay to handle. No little kid needs to see their parents brains splattered all over the living room.

"It's okay, we're almost outside."

Jay carefully put the little boy down onto the stretcher and he opened his eyes.

"This is Sylvie, she's gonna take care of you and bring you to a doctor."

"You stay?"

"No buddy, but you're in good hands."

"You stay." He pouted on the verge of tears.

He held out his little hand to Jay and his lips trembled. Jay looked toward Hank who nodded at him to go.

"5021 George to main, I'm en-route to Med with a tender age boy from our crime scene. Hold me off scene and calls."

"Main to 5021 George, 10-4."

Jay climbed into the ambulance. The boy scooted over and looked up at Jay, and Jay took it as a sign for him to sit there. Jay sat and the boy quickly scooted next to him and huddled into his side.

"Can you tell me your name?" Sylvie asked.

He looked up at Jay for permission.

"You can tell her."

"James." He whispered.

"It's nice to meet you James. Can you tell me how old you are?"

"Three." He said holding up two fingers.

"You're so grown up," She smiled,"Does anything hurt?"

He held his ears.

"Too loud."

Sylvie chuckled.

"Yeah, the sirens are pretty loud. Does anything else hurt?"

He tucked his head into Jay's side and sucked on his thumb.

"Well all his vitals look good. Hopefully just some routine tests at Med and then DCFS will take him. Is Will on shift?"

"No, he's off today."

What Jay thought would be a quick trip to Med was turning into an hours long event. They drew blood, which turned into a screaming meltdown for what felt like forever. Both the CAT scan and MRI had to be done a few times bd three year old can't sit still. Jay was laying on the hospital bed with a sleeping James on his chest. They were waiting for the last round of tests to come back. A woman for DCFS came in to speak to Jay. He laid James down gently and went into the hall.

"Detective Halstead, I'm Nancy from DCFS."

Jay shook her hand.

"Hi, please call me Jay. So what's going to happen to James?"

"Well, we'll try to find a home for him but until we do, he'll be in foster care."

"And you've found a foster family to take him in already?"

"No sir, it'll take a couple days. He'll stay in a group home until foster placement."

"He's a baby!" Jay exclaimed.

Piercing screaming and crying came from James' room. Jay ran back as fast as he could. James was sitting in the middle of the bed, crying his eyes out. Jay scooped up the crying child and held him close to try and console him.

"It's okay buddy, just relax."

"You stay, you no go."

"I've got you, you're okay."

"You no go, you no go." He cried.

James clung to Jay and Jay looked at the lady from DCFS.

"James stays with me."

"Sir, that's not allowed. There's paperwork, house inspections, interviews-"

"I'm a Chicago detective for Hank Voight, I'm a decorated war hero and veteran. I live with my girlfriend, and we stay at my place or hers. She's got a house, six bedrooms, four bathrooms. She a hair stylist and make up artist. I've known her for four years. Her name is Olivia McKnight and she's 30 years old, hopefully she'll soon be Olivia Halstead. There's no better place for James right now. Call Hank Voight, he'll vouch for me."

"You no go, you no go." James sobbed.

"Nancy, I'm begging you, don't take him."

Jay carried a sleeping James into the house.

"Babe?" Jay called out.

"Kitchen!" She called back.

Jay rounded the corner and Olivia looked at him with shock and wide eyes.

"What's going on?"

Jay adjusted the sleeping child.

"He was hiding in a closet at a crime scene we got called to. I found him."

"And you brought him home?"

"They we're gonna drop him in a group home. Livi, he's all alone."

"And what? We're suppose to take care of him, play house?"

"I couldn't leave him, I just couldn't."

James stirred awake. He shyly looked between Jay and Olivia.

"James, this is Olivia, and this is our home. You're going to be staying here for a little while."

"Jay-"

"I stay?" James questioned.

"Yeah buddy, you stay."

James wiggled out of Jay's arms and looked around.

"Toys?"

"Uh how about some TV?"

"Football! Football!"

Jay sat James up on the couch and came back to the kitchen. Olivia was sitting at the counter drinking tequila from the bottle.

"Look, I know you're mad."

She took another swig.

"I had no choice Livi!"

"I'm not mad you brought him home. I'm mad that you didn't call or text me Jay. What gets brought into our home and what happens in our home needs to be decided by us both! You don't get to walk in with a kid and call the shots."

Jay woke up early the next morning. James had fallen asleep between Olivia and himself. He was now sound asleep at her side and she had an arm around him. Jay got dressed and left Olivia a note, that he was going to the store to get stuff for James. He didn't know what to get so he asked for help. Who knew three year olds needed so much stuff.

When Jay came back, James was in the kitchen with Olivia, both still in their pajamas. James was sitting on the counter mixing something in a bowl.

"Careful not to spill it...good job, let's pour it into the pans. Oh yeah, that's gonna be some yummy stuff."

She put him on the floor and handed him the spoon and bowl.

"Don't tell Jay I let you eat that."

"Shhh" James giggled.

Olivia put the cakes into the oven and pulled out the baked cookies. James held out his spoon to her.

"You some?"

Olivia smiled.

"Sure."

She sat on the floor next to James and he fed her some of the left over cake batter.

"Is yummy?" He asked.

"Very, you did a good job."

James caught sight of Jay and he excitedly ran to hug his legs.

"Hi Jay."

"Hi little man, what's on your face, cake batter?"

James looked at Olivia who put her finger over her mouth.

"No." James said.

"Are you sure, looks like it. I bet it's good."

"Is dee-wish-us."

Jay laughed and Olivia shrugged in defeat.


	25. Here We Are

Lately all Olivia seemed to do was clean up. Toys, clothes, dishes, every time she turned around something was out of place or a mess. Not how she liked to keep her home. James seemed to manage to get into everything possible and if you told him no it was like it was a challenge and he tried any way. She was in a mood today. She had had a fight with Jay that morning because he expected her to be the one staying home with James all the time, and it made her so angry that he just assumed that. She ended up yelling and telling him to find a sitter because after this being the fourth day, she was going back to work.

"Olibia, play."

"No James I'm busy right now."

"No, you play."

"James I said not now."

"PLAY NOW PLAY NOW PLAY NOW."

Olivia slammed her hands on the counter.

"I said no!" She yelled.

james' eyes filled with tears.

"You mean. I want Jay."

"Fine you want Jay, let's go get Jay."

Thirty minutes later she was walking up the stairs holding onto the tiny human.

"Oh it's the Halstead family!" Antonio greeted.

Olivia shot him a glare. Jay took James from her arms.

"What do I owe the pleasure of this visit."

"I'm mean and he wanted you, so here we are."

Jay walked them into the break room and closed the door. Olivia sat down and put her head in her hands. James sat with a pen and paper and began scribbling around. Olivia looked beat, between taking care of James and the stress of having a little human running around and making a mess, Jay could tell it was getting to her.

"Livi I know you're frustrated, but the safest place for James, is with us."

"How do you even know that? Were his parents targeted? There's no other family relatives to take him? You were the one who was so paranoid about us having unprotected sex and then bam you walk through the door with a kid."

"We're all he's got right now. And yes I was concerned about us having sex, having a baby right now would be madness."

"So we take care of someone else's kid, but we can't have our own!" James looked up at her with his big blue eyes and she sighed," What're you drawing there James."

"Jay, Olibia and me." he said pointing to the messy stick figure and scribbles around it .

"look, we're both off tomorrow, I'll take care of James tomorrow and you can relax, take a break."

The next day they took James to the park to play. Olivia sat on a bench while Jay pushed James on the swing.

"Your so is adorable, he looks just like your husband." A lady sitting next to her commented.

Olivia wanted to say that they weren't married and that James wasn't theirs, but instead she just smiled and said thank you. She got up and went over to Jay.

"Olibia look how high."

"You're touching the clouds, Jay must be pretty strong!"

James giggled and Jay continued to push him.

"I'm sorry and I love you."

"I love you too." Jay said.

"Some lady said my husband and son are cute, that my son looks just like my husband. She's right, James kinda looks like you."

"Must be the eyes."

Oliva smiled.

"100%. Jay, why did you really bring him home?"

Jay shrugged.

"Felt like I needed to protect him, be there for him, show him it's okay and that he's safe and loved. That he'll be supported and always know it, not when it's too late."

Olivia knew Jay was talking about his relationship with his dad. She never knew Patrick Halstead that well but from what Jay told her, he always favored Will. Made Jay feel like he was never good enough, never seemed to care. It wasn't until Patrick died that Jay got to see how much he dad secretly cared. She knew Jay's biggest regret were the last words his had with his father and the kind of relationship they had.

"You'll be a great dad one day Jay, but you can't jump into a child's life because you feel guilty."

"I was meant to find him, we were meant to take him in for the time being."

"Maybe, but-"

"His middle name's Patrick."

"What?"

"James, his middle name is Patrick."

Olivia nodded.

"Just like you."

"Just like me. Olivia, we get to change this little boy's life, for however long we have him for, and that's all I wanna do."

"Okay," She sighed, "Then let's do that."

When they put James to bed that night, he kissed both of their cheeks before he laid down and conked out. Olivia had fallen asleep with her head on Jay's chest and he lay, running his fingers through her hair. Maybe she was right, maybe he did have some guilt. He resented his dad for most of his life, and by the time he knew better, it was too late. Patrick Halstead wasn't the greatest father. He put Will on a silver platter because he went to college, became a doctor, made money. Jay went to war, became a cop, not what Patrick considered anything great. Jay busted his ass day in and day out to save lives, protect people and his country and to his dad he was just some speck of dirt. When Jay found that his dad was saving articles and pictures, Jay realized his dad was proud, he just never showed it.

When Olivia first found out Jay was a cop, she always worried about him. She asked questions about his job and wondered about when he did some things under cover. From the moment they met, Jay felt like his mother sent Olivia into his life to balance him out. To give him a reason not to be so reckless at work. Olivia would always ask, after Jay would say that he kicked in another door, 'Why must you be the first one in? Why be the first to possibly be shot at?' and he'd tell her every time, that the first one in gets the most action. He could tell it made her crazy.

"Why are you still up?" Her voice was groggy and she kept her eyes closed.

"Just thinking."

"Bout what?" She mumbled.

"Do you like that I'm a cop?"

"Most days. But everyday, it scares me when you walk out that door that there's a chance you won't come home because I know how dangerous your job is. But I am so fucking proud to tell people my boyfriend is a detective in a very elite unit, who does more for this city than anyone will ever know, because he never ever asked for credit for anything."

"Do you wish I had a different job?"

"No, because you were born to be a cop, one of the best in this city. It's one of the reason why I love you."

"You are something else."

"I wish you could see how perfect you are Jay."


	26. Crankyx1000

Life with a toddler was not easy. James was like a walking tornado and energizer bunny all in one. James had been with them for six weeks now. James' father had gone batshit crazy, and in a fit of rage killed James' mother and then turned the gun on himself. There were no relatives for James to permanetly live with, so he would stay with Jay and Olivia till a suitable family becomes available to adopt him.

They hired a sitter to watch James when they went to work. She watches Owen for Natalie and Will, which made Jay and Olivia feel a lot better about leaving him with a stranger. James didn't do well the first few days they left him with her. He screamed and cried for hours, but Jay and Olivia made it a point to FaceTime him throughout the day. Olivia struggled with daily life a bit more than Jay did. She found it hard trying to remember her memories, adjust to her new life, work and take care of a toddler. Dr. Charles said this was all normal, but still agreed to meet three times a week.

Jay picked Olivia up from work and they stopped to pick up pizza for dinner. Will, Natalie and Owen were coming over for dinner and to hang out for a little bit so Owen and James could play.

"Have you heard anything for DCFS?" Will asked.

"There's been a couple families that are interested, but they're not right for him." Jay said.

"Bad homes?"

"They just didn't feel right."

Olivia sat silently and looked down at her food.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Owen yelled, running into the kitchen.

"Mommy! Daddy!" James yelled, following Owen.

That was the first time he's ever done that, and they made nothing of it, chalking it up to him copying Owen. James ran to Olivia and she scooped him up.

"Hello handsome, are you having fun?"

She covered his face with kisses as he giggled and squirmed around.

"Jay help."

James held out his arms to Jay. Jay took the giggling, squirming boy from her arms and kissed her at the same time. James smiled up at the two people who protected him.

"I lobe you."

Olivia smiled.

"We love you too."

Long after dinner, and Will, Nat and Owen left, Olivia found Jay and James in James' room. Jay was rocking James in the rocking chair while reading him a story. James was cuddled into Jay's lap, head on his chest with his eyes closed and sucking on his thumb. Jay put the sleeping boy in his crib and walked into the hall, closing the bedroom door behind him.

"Hello beautiful."

"Hello handsome."

Jay wrapped his arms around her.

"You good?" She asked.

"I'm good. How was your session today?"

"It was alright. I think I'm gonna stop though."

"Why?"

"It's been almost a year. I'm never going to get that chunk of my life back."

"There's still a chance."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

James was cranky today, like cranky x 1000, and Olivia's patience was wearing thin. He cried for hours this morning the second Jay walked out the front door, she had dropped two cups of coffee at home and James had managed to kick her Starbucks out of her hands as she put him into his stroller, not to mention, they were and hour and a half late to the CPD family picnic/carnival.

 **To Olivia, from Jay**

 **you guys here yet?**

 **To Jay, from Olivia**

 **trying to get James into the stroller.**

"Enough James! If you don't stop, you're not going to see Jay."

Hailey, Kim and Antonio were the first people she saw and they smothered James with attention and affection.

"We've been instructed to take James for the day." Kim said.

"Instructed?"

"Volunteered." Hailey quickly corrected.

"I don't know guys, he's been in a mood all day."

"I've got two teenagers, this will be a breeze." Antonio said.

Hailey nudged her towards the ferris wheel, where Jay stood with his hands in his pockets, smiling at her. She kissed James on the forehead and walked over to Jay.

"I know this isn't the most ideal date, and with James, it our life has been a little chaotic and it hasn't been easy"

"Jay-"

"Let's just do us today."

"But James-"

"Will be just fine."

Olivia thought for a second.

"Okay, let's have a corny date."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sun began setting and there was a slight chill in the air, so Jay got the his sweatshirt that he brought for her out of the truck, saying he knew she would need it. They had spent the day playing games, eating junk food, going on rides, just having fun. Jay had finally convinced her to go on the ferris wheel. She sat as close as she possibly could to him and he kept a protective arm around her, and kissed the side of her head lovingly.

"Have we done this before?" She asked.

"We have, not as a couple though. You've been coming to these the last couple years."

"This all feels familiar."

"Familiar is good."

By the time they got home, James was sound asleep. Antonio said he was so good and had so much fun. Olivia went into his room to check on and his little head popped up in his crib.

"Mommy?"

"No baby, it's Olivia. Uncle Tony said you were sleeping."

"Daddy?"

"No, Jay's in our room."

"Me too?"

"Not tonight, you need to sleep."

James yawned and laid back down and Olivia rubbed his back until he fell back asleep. James had been calling them Mommy and Daddy a lot lately. Jay came in, stood behind her and hugged her.

"Everything okay? You've been in here for a while."

"Yeah, just thinking."

"Wanna share?"

"He's been calling us mom and dad a lot lately."

"He has." He agreed.

"I got an email for his social worker on our way home. They found a family for him."

Jay took a deep breath.

"That was always the end goal."

"Jay, we're his family."

Jay kissed her cheek.

"So then let's adopt him."


	27. Falling Even More In Love With You

It was a beautiful Sunday in October in Chicago, and Olivia had somehow convinced the unit and her friends to come along to the pumpkin farm. Jay thought the idea was kinda dumb but went along with it anyway.

"He's still little, this feels like a dumb idea Liv."

"Well for your information ya party pooper, James is every excited, especially because his aunts and uncles will be there, there's hay rides, and roasted corn and cider, corn mazes, faced painting, a petting zoo. He's even more excited that 'Pop Pop Hank' is going."

"Pop Pop Hank?"

Olivia shrugged.

"James' new name for Hank. Came out of nowhere."

Hank had become like a father to Jay, and hank did love James like he was his own grandson. James jumped off the bottom step into the kitchen.

"Daddy we match."

The both had on flannel shirts, of different colors, jeans and work boots on.

"Would you look at that, we do."

"I'm guessing daddy helped you get dressed huh?" Olivia asked.

"He did, he put on my shoes."

"Well you both look perfect for the occasion."

Watching James interact with everyone was something Olivia could watch all day. They all had so much love for this little human. James was playing around in the hay with Jay, Adam, Antonio, Kevin and Hank. They were throwing hay at each other, throwing each other around.

"Mommy, come play!" James called.

"I'm good baby, you play with the guys!"

Jay had snuck up behind her, scooped her up and threw her into the hay.

"Jay!"

James scoped up hay and dumped it on her head.

"We got you Mommy."

"Yes you did, and I'm guessing it was Daddy's idea to use you as a distraction."

James laughed and nodded his head.

They were walking threw rows and rows of pumpkins, Hank had James sitting on his shoulders and Jay and Olivia followed a few steps behind holding hands. They others had gone to do a wine tasting while they took James to find pumpkins.

"Pop pop Hank, a green one!"

"Should we out it in the wagon?"

"Yes!"

Hank scooped up the pumpkin and put it into the wagon, along side the other pumpkins and flowers.

"Alright bud, it's time to head out and get home." Jay said.

"No, Daddy, not yet." James whined.

"Time to go." Olivia said.

They paid for their pumpkins and said their goodbyes. Hank pulled Jay aside as Olivia put James into his car seat.

"Thanks for asking me to come along today." Hank said.

"Of course, you're always welcome to come around."

"It's nice, spending time with him. Spending time with him, makes up for the time I'm losing with my own grandson."

Jay gave him a sad smile.

"You'll always have a family with us."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After making a mess carving pumpkins, eating dinner and a bath, James was out cold in his crib. Jay and Olivia sat on the couch completely exhausted. Some cop show was playing on TV and Olivia laid her head in Jay's lap. She was struggling to keep her eyes open, when another flashback happened.

 _She was in Jay's apartment making dinner. It was late and Jay still wasn't home from work yet, when he should've been home three hours ago. Worry was beginning to take over, when she heard the front door open and close. She hurried out of the kitchen to meet him and stopped dead in her tracks. Jay's face was cut up and bruised._

 _"Oh my god! What happened?! Are you okay?" She said, rushing to him._

 _"I'm fine." He said_ _flatly._

 _Her hands touched his face gently, and she looked him over._

 _"Are you hurt anywhere else."_

 _Jay winced and shook his head no._

 _"Don't like to me Jay."_

 _He sighed._

 _"Just some cuts and some bruised ribs."_

 _She guided him to the couch and got a few ice packs and some tylenol._

 _"What happened to you?"_

 _"Suspect got the jump on me. Took everyone a couple minutes to get to me."_

 _"Did you go to Med to get checked out? Did you see Will?"_

 _"Went to Med, Connor looked me over, then asked me if you were single."_

 _Olivia raised an eyebrow._

 _"And what did you tell him?"_

 _"I was getting checked out because I got the shit kicked out of me...and I told him no."_

 _"Jay!"_

 _"What!" he defended, "He's a player, Liv, you deserve better."_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes._

 _"That's what you say about every guy."_

 _"Well it's true."_

 _She put a plate of food in front of him on the table._

 _"You're not eating?"_

 _"Um no, I've got to run. I'll be back in a bit."_

 _"Where you going?"_

 _"To find Connor." She said with a straight face._

 _"Olivia-"_

 _"Sorry I had to do it. You're face was priceless." She laughed, "But I do have to run to Diana's for a work meeting. I'll come back after. Get some rest." She kissed his cheek and left._

 _When she got back, Jay was sitting up, sound sleep on the couch. She took one of the spare blankets and laid it over him. He stirred a bit and woke up._

 _"I didn't mean to wake you, go back to sleep."_

 _He grabbed for her._

 _"Lay with me."_

 _"Can't without hurting you. I'll clean up and then head out."_

 _He held her hand._

 _"Don't go."_

 _"Fine, but only because I'm worried about you hurting yourself."_

 _She put a pillow in his lap and laid down. Jay's hand instantly played with her hair._

 _"I was scared today at work for the first time in a long time. There was a split second that I didn't think I was coming home."_

 _She looked up at him._

 _"But you did, that's all that matters."_

 _"I really thought i was never gonna see you again."_

 _"Can't get rid of me that easy, Halstead."_


	28. Heartbroken

Jay was going to lose his mind this morning, he was sure of it. James was being difficult and it seemed like he enjoyed pushing Jay's button and was trying to see how far he could push his limits till Jay caved. But Jay was just as stubborn and won't give in so easy, or at all.

"James please finish your breakfast before the sitter gets here."

"No."

"James." Jay warned.

"Daddy." The child mocked back.

Jay sighed. Was James always like this in the morning, he really had no clue. Most mornings, James was just waking up as Jay would be getting ready to leave, so he would take him from his crib, sit in the rocking chair for a bit and then bring him downstairs to Olivia and would go to work. Today Olivia had to work on site at a wedding, starting at 4 am, so she stayed the night at the hotel where the bridal party was staying, with another girl from work, because it made the job a little easier, and that was she didn't wake Jay or James when she was getting ready her self at 2 am. Working on site usually meant a 24 hour gig. Olivia usually wasn't done until the very last minutes of the wedding reception. When she came home from those she was exhausted and just down right dead tired.

Jay had let James sleep in bed with him last night, and James had spent most of the night sleeping soundly, cuddled up on his chest. They stress of the adoption was taking it's toll on them all, and they would hopefully being finding out soon what they already knew, that they were the perfect fit for James and could officially be a family, The Halsteads.

"If you're not going to eat, then let's get showered and dressed."

"Mommy gave me a bath."

James was right, Liv did it last night before she left.

"Right, okay, let's get dressed."

"No."

"James, come on, Tasha will be here soon."

"No Tasha Daddy, you stay."

"I can't stay, I have to work."

"I goes too." he said heading upstairs to get ready.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Halstead, my office."

Jay wasn't in the mood to be yelled at for being late, or almost ruining a drug bust. He slowly got up from his desk and went into Hanks' office, closing the door behind him.

"Everything okay Sarge?"

He motioned for Jay to sit.

"I want you to know, I did everything I could, I pulled every string I had."

"Okay?"

Voight sighed.

"You and Olivia didn't get approved for the adoption. I'm so sorry."

Jay's heart shattered, he felt like he'd been punched in the gut, like he was going to throw up. How could they not get approved? They were perfect for James, James was perfect for them. They had already made a life and a home together. Created a bond with each other.

"How'd we get denied?!"

"The social worker didn't say."

"I've got to call her. Find out how we can fix this. They can't take our son, they can't."

"Jay, go home. Call Olivia, go spend time with James, there's limited time left."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two days, two days was all they had. James didn't really understand but he understood enough. The family that was adopting him and warmly and graciously accepted to take all the things he had with Jay and Olivia and even extended the invitation that they could see James whenever they wanted. The social worker advised against the visits, saying it would only confuse James further, that they just needed to let him go and move on. 'Fuck you, bitch' was Olivia's response to her.

Every time he called them Mommy or Daddy, broke them a little more and they had to fight to keep it together. They brought James to the district so he could say goodbye to his aunts and uncles there, and play with the sirens in the cop car one last time. Will, Natalie and Owen came by the house and Owen said they would always be cousins no matter what. The girls from the shop bought him a teddy bear that was dressed as a police officer and had both Jay and Olivia's voice programmed inside.

"Okay buddy, now tell me what my name is."

"Daddy." James said proudly.

"No James, come on, what did we practice."

"Jay..." Olivia started.

"He needs to know this Liv."

"He's just a baby Jay."

Jay waved her off.

"Okay James, tell Daddy, what do you do if you hurt, in trouble, or in an unsafe space?"

James thought for a second.

"Call 9-1-1."

"Good and what do you say?"

"My name is James. This is an emergarry! Call my dad Destective Jay Halstead, disick 21, badge number 51163. Hurry."

Jay hugged him.

"Close enough buddy, good job."

Jay put James between Olivia and himself.

"We love you so so much James, and so will your new family. You will always have a very special place in our hearts forever."

"I no stay?" James pouted.

"We want you to, but it wasn't up to us."

James turned to Jay.

"I lobe you."

Jay's eyes filled with tears.

"And I love you, more than I could have ever imagined."

"Please no go." James cried.

"I know buddy, I know."

When the social worker came later that day she had to pull James away from them, screaming and crying. Olivia couldn't watch as the woman took him away and put him into the car, and she cried into Jay's chest. The social workers gave them an apologetic look before she left and Jay and Olivia stood there heartbroken on the porch after losing their son. Out of all the pain they were feeling, Jay knew one thing, they'd never forget that little boy, and if at any moment he needed them, they would be there. They would always be his family, no matter where life led them, James would always be a Halstead.


	29. Travels

**How are you guys liking the story so far? This chapter is a little bit of a look into the past :)**

 _When Jay got back to the district he noticed the familiar blonde sitting at his desk, waiting for him. Her usual flowiy hair was tied up into a messy bun with her sunglasses sitting on top of her head. She had on a pair of leggings and a baggy long sleeve. She smiled at Jay and stood from the chair to give him a tight hug._

 _"How much did you miss me?!"_

 _"Not a lot." He joked, lifting her off the ground._

 _"Smartass." She said, punching his shoulder._

 _"When did you land?"_

 _She had gone to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend with the girls from work, and had been away for five days. Jay wouldn't admit how much he actually missed having her around, he only showed a little bit. They still spoke or Facetimed everyday, and Jay saw on social media just how much fun she was having, at shows, clubs, pool parties, shopping._

 _"Couple hours ago, our flight came in early."_

 _"Looks like you had a good time, you look refreshed."_

 _"I'm guessing i should take that as a compliment." She laughed._

 _"How was Magic Mike?" Kim asked._

 _Olivia and the girls had gone to see the Magic Mike show in Vegas. Jay wasn't so happy about it._

 _"Oh my god, soooo good. The guys were gorgeous and sweet baby jesus can the dance."_

 _"Guess Jay has a lot of work to do then." Adam played around._

 _"Don't be a dick Ruz." Jay shot back._

 _"Anyway, I figured, you'd almost be done with work, so I'd come here and then we can go to dinner or something."_

 _"Uh, yeah sure, let's go."_

 _They ended up at a local pizza place near Jay's apartment._

 _"so, how much did you really miss me, because as much as I had a blast, I missed you a hell of a lot."_

 _Jay smiled at her._

 _"I missed you a hell of a lot too. Though, I did enjoy the silence."_

 _"I guess I'll have to go away more often."_

 _"Not with out me." He muttered._

 _She raised an eyebrow at him._

 _"Is that an invitation to go away together?"_

 _Jay looked like a deer in headlights, realizing that she had heard him._

 _"I didn't mean...I mean..."_

 _She put her hand on top of his._

 _"i'd like to go away with you, and some place that isn't the cabin."_

 _"Okay, uh yeah sure."_

 _"Okay, so where do you wanna go?"_

 _"I... I don't know. I've never really travelled."_

 _She just stared at him._

 _"What?" He asked._

 _"You've never travelled?"_

 _"Um no. We didn't have the money growing up, and then I went over seas, and then things go crazy here when I came home and I just never got around to it."_

 _"Well then Halstead, we have a world to explore."_

 _When they got back to Jay's apartment Olivia went right to his closet to take one of his long sleeves and change out of her own to put on his. Jay made them each a cup of coffee and sat on the couch next to her as she opened up his laptop. She scooted closer to his side and put her head on the top of his arm._

 _"I missed you too much." She said._

 _He glanced down at her. What did that even mean._

 _"Yea, me too Livi."_

 _"Okay, so where to first?"_

 _"I don't know you pick."_

 _"Jay, come on. Where do you want to go?"_

 _He shrugged._

 _"I don't know, I've never really been anywhere."_

 _"Not even Disney as a kid?"_

 _"Nope."_

 _She gave Jay a wide smile._

 _"Disney has to be our first stop."_

 _Five weeks later, they were standing online, waiting to get into Disney World. Olivia had on a glittery, bedazzled mouse ear head band. Jay refused to wear his plain mouse ears. But Olivia begged and begged and begged and he finally gave in. She snapped a picture of the two of them and then one of Jay alone in front of the entrance to the park. Olivia could tell he was excited, even if he wouldn't want to admit it. They walked down towards the castle and they stopped in front of it. Olivia put her arm around his waist and gave him a side hug._

 _"Welcome to Disney, Halstead."_

 _The two of them had an absolute blast going on rides, meeting characters, watching parades, eating whatever treats they could find. While the park and it's moments were magical to see and be apart of, the real joy Jay got out of all of this was being there with Olivia. She loved every minute of this and made sure Jay was having the time of his life. By 9pm they headed back to the castle for the firework show. They sat down on the floor, Olivia sitting in between his legs, resting back onto his chest with his arms around her._

 _"This is my favorite! Tinkerbell flies over us and starts off the whole show!" She said excitedly._

 _Jay smiled at her._

 _"What?" She asked._

 _"Nothing, I love how you're so excited for a floating fairy. I would've pegged you to be the princess type."_

 _"Oh I love all the old school Princesses. Ariel was the reason I went through my red hair phase. But Tinkerbell, that chick is badass. She's sassy, sarcastic, bossy-"_

 _"Sounds like you."_

 _Olivia stuck her tongue out at him._

 _"She's just awesome, I don't know, the princesses are great and glamorous and royal-"_

 _"Again, like you."_

 _"Shut up, I am not."_

 _He squeezed his arms around her middle and kissed her cheek._

 _"I'm glad my first trip to Disney was with you."_

 _She leaned back into him._

 _"First of many trips to anywhere and everywhere."_

 _Olivia had fallen asleep the second her head hit the pillow when they got back to the room, and Jay didn't want to do anything to wake her, so he took a walk around the resort. Olivia insisted they stay at the Grand Floridian. A very fancy and expensive hotel. Something completely out of Jay's league. They were treated like they were famous, and their room was out of control, especially for two people. He couldn't imagine how much it was costing per night. Olivia had made a deal with Jay which backfired for him but her plan worked for her. She'd book everything on her card and Jay would give her cash. Except the only thing she let him pay for was his airfare, which probably costed pennies compared to all this._ _Jay wondered into the gift shop and was greeted by the cashier._

 _"Good evening sir, is there anything I can help you with?"_

 _"Uh no thanks."_

 _"Not a problem, you say the word and it would be my pleasure to assist you."_

 _Jay walked around and grabbed some drinks, a couple snacks, he picked up a couple magazines for Olivia to read while they laid by the pool tomorrow. At the end of one of the isles was a little Tinkerbell figurine that was covered and glitter. jay smiled and picked it up and placed it on the counter with the rest of his things. When he got back to the room he placed the pint sized figurine on the night table next to Olivia's side of the bed, and then climbed into bed himself._

 _When Olivia woke the next day and saw it she smiled widely and hugged him._

 _"This is perfect! She's adorable!"_

 _"Tinkerbell really does remind me of you."_

 _"I'm gonna take that as a compliment." She hopped out of bed, " Get dressed, let's get breakfast and get drunk by the pool and get some sun."_

 _"It's 7:45 in the morning!"_

 _"Move it or lose it Halstead! I want a good spot to lounge!" She called._

 _That day they spent their eighth and final day, relaxing in the sun before having to head back to Chicago and all the craziness that came along with it. Jay never realized what he missed out on growing up, but he felt really grateful and happy, that someone who had been in his life for almost a year, had gone out of her way to make this trip so special and more than he could have ever imagined it to be. He wasn't sure it was all related to the magic of Disney as much as it was more like it was the magic of Olivia, this blonde, sassy, sarcastic, put together, classic, elegant woman. Someone who brought the magic back into his life, just when he had thought he had lost it all._


	30. Gobble Gobble

Olivia stood staring at herself in front of the mirror in her walk in closet. Her nerves were getting the best of her and she wasn't sure why. It wasn't like she's never done this before because she had, multiple times.

"Why are you freaking out?" Jay wondered as they drove.

"Because we're having dinner at Hank's house."

"Much like we've done before."

"But this is Thanksgiving."

"Again, we've done this before."

"And yet, I'm not capable of remembering those."

"Ah, so that's what this is about, you're nervous for our first thanksgiving."

"Technically it's not our first."

"Well it's or first as a couple, so it counts as a first."

"I guess you're right."

"I'm always right."

She shot him a look.

"Correction, I'm right sometimes, but you're usually always right."

Olivia laughed.

"Good cover."

Hank had invited the unit to his house for Thanksgiving dinner. Jay and Olivia had arrived at the same time as Antonio and Eva, and they were all the last to arrive. The house smelled wonderful, and made you feel warm and at ease. Upon saying their hellos, Hank gave Jay a beer and Olivia a glass of wine. Olivia made small talk with Hailey, Kim and Eva, but she still felt out of the loop almost as if she didn't fit in. Her eyes wondered around for Jay and when they made eye contact he gave her his beautiful heartwarming smile and she felt slightly better. They noshed on picky food and drinks while dinner continued to cook.

"Babe?" Jay called from the living room.

Olivia walked out of the kitchen to him.

"Yeah?"

"The Giants game is about to start. You wanna watch?"

Olivia looked around the room and all the guys, suddenly wondering if maybe she should just stay with the girls.

"You want me to?" She asked.

Jay noticed her hesitation.

"Get over here."

She smiled, poured more wine into her glass and got him another beer and sat next to him, resting against his side. His arm draped over her legs and his hand resting on her knee. After a bit the rest of the girls made their way to living room to watch the game as well. During halftime, Olivia helped Hank and the others put dinner on the table. She sat next to Jay, and Hank began to say grace.

"It's not often your work family becomes your real family. We're lucky enough to have it happen to us. Our family has gone through a lot this past year, between cases and personal lives. And we're lucky enough to all be sitting here, after everything we've been through, we're still here.' Jay squeezed Olivia's hand, 'I see all of you as my friends, but as my kids as well. At the end of the day, what matters, who matters, are the people sitting around this table. I am blessed, we are blessed to all be here in the moment."

Jay opened his eyes and gave Olivia a quick kiss. Olivia was lucky, and she realized it now more so than ever. How lucky had she had been to survived, to have this family that she had, to had fallen in love with her best friend, and it made her a bit emotional. Dinner was filled with laughs and work stories and pranks they pulled on each other, and it turned to Olivia.

"Olivia, how did you and Jay decide to date?" Eva asked.

"Uh.."

The question caught her off guard and Antonio scolded his daughter.

"No no, it's okay. It's strange really because for the first time in my life, this feels right."

"Yeah, but how'd it happen?"

Jay was starting to turn red.

"We were having dinner one night at Jay's place. There was a hockey game on the TV. The air felt different that night, if that makes any sense. Jay had been telling me about our past and memories and stories, and I just gave into this nagging feeling that I had since I showed up at his place after the accident. I caught him off guard and kissed him, and we knew that it would change everything that we had before, but we had to take that chance."

After dinner, Hank, Jay and the guys were out back, throwing axes at the planks of boards with targets on them, and having conversation.

"I gotta tell ya Jay,' Hanks said, 'You and Olivia remind me a lot of myself and Camille."

Jay felt honored at the comment.

"Thank you Hank, that means a lot to hear."

"She's a special girl."

"She is, and while I have you all out here and none of the girls are around, I'm gonna ask Olivia to marry me. I gotta get a ring and figure out a way to do it, but I'm gonna do it."

As if on cue, Kim opened the back door and called to them.

"Guys, coffee and dessert, let's go."

Olivia was braiding Eva's hair and taking silly snapchat pictures. And in that second, Jay knew how he would propose to her. She was laughing with Eva and Jay's felt time slow down. She was the one he knew he would spend the rest of his life with, there was no doubt about it.

After arriving home, they both changed and sat on the couch, both exhausted.

"I was watching you throw those axes at Hank's."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhm, it was really fucking hot."

"That's hot I feel about everything you do."

She leaned up to kiss him.

"I realized today, I'm glad that we decided to give us a go."

"I am too."

"I love you Jay Halstead, more than you know."

"I love you just as much, and I swear to god, I'm gonna marry you one day."

Olivia let out a gasp.

"I can't wait for that day to happen."

That was all Jay needed to hear. Operation Olivia Halstead was officially a go.


	31. Opening Statements

She sat behind Jay, blocked by a wooden railing. And even though it was this small frail wooden railing, it felt like the biggest barrier in the world they was between him. She couldn't reach out and touch him even though she so badly wanted to. He couldn't reach back because he knew she wasn't allowed to reach forward to hold his hand. He was more worried about her right now than he was than this trial starting. Steven's family's legal team had somehow managed to fight the fact that they weren't allowed to be there and had it overturned. They weren't made aware of it until they walked into the courtroom and Olivia made direct eye contact with Steven's parents. It took everything in Jay for him not to lose his cool. Olivia swallowed her fear and assured him it was fine, this would be fine and kissed him before he had to take his seat away from her.

Olivia sat with Hank to her right and Hailey to her left, and the rest of the team, 51, and a few people from Med on either side of her. She kept her stare on the judge and on the back of Jay's head. She could feel Steven's parents glare burning a hole in the side of her head. This was the first time since her 'death' that they had seen her, and would now be getting the full story on why their son had died. Olivia had been trying to keep her composure, mostly for Jay's sake. He didn't need to be focusing on her when he needed to be focusing on himself and keeping sane through all this.

It was right after Thanksgiving when the trial started, and the had just had such a great holiday and weekend, and that was what they were using to push them through the start of the trial. They had been sitting in the car in the parking garage putting off coming inside when Olivia blurted out they should just have a court house wedding. Jay refused, and Olivia pleaded with him. He wouldn't give in, he wanted to propose, and have time as an engaged couple, plan a wedding and a honeymoon, and have a day of celebration of their love, not a rushed courthouse ceremony. He wanted to give her all she deserved and more.

"Detective Halstead, is being accused of wrong doing, simply because he was doing his job. His job in which he vowed to this city to serve and protect. Detective Halstead was doing what he found to be the right thing to protect a victim, who was in harms way. Something he has been trained to do by this very city, much like other law enforcement officials around the country, and around the world. Not only is he part of an elite unit here in Chicago, he was part of a carefully selected team with the army. Detective Halstead was doing his job, a job in which he had dedicated his life to."

The opening statement by his lawyer felt strong, and even though she had heard it many times being rehearsed, it all felt new to hear. The first day was filled with comments and evidence from both sides, and Jay's legal team ripped apart everything Steven's side presented. They left, walking hand in hand and Steven's parents called out to her. But Olivia kept her head held high and continued to walk with Jay, not once giving into their calls. Her cold, well held together stature, was one she had been used to from her life in New York. The press was itching to work a story about a Chicago detective being accused of a wrongful death, but Hank and Olivia's personal legal team were doing everything the could to keep it from going public. This story would never see the light of day. Olivia and Jay had gone back to Hank's and stayed there for a few hours until it was clear that they weren't being followed. Jay had gone to call Will and talk about the first day of the trial and Olivia sat in the kitchen with Hank having coffee.

"You holding up okay kid? You look a little off."

"I feel off."

"What's going on?"

"Hank he can not take the fall for this. He did nothing wrong. I can't let my life from New York ruin mine or his life in Chicago."

"And it won't. He's gonna beat this. He has the best legal team there is."

"I've got to make a phone call."

Olivia went to stand.

"You're not making any calls."

Olivia sat back down.

"I know your life in New York was more than what you told Jay. I know who bounced around in your family circles. They can not got involved this, do you hear me?"

"You can't tell Jay."

"Olivia, you don't think he already knows?"

"He's never said-"

"Do you think he's really going to? Olivia your family has loose ties to very dangerous people. Jay knows you have no ties to them anymore, but if you make that phone, you'll ruin everything you have with Jay. The very second you hit send, it's over for you."

When Jay and Olivia got home that night, Jay knew something was bothering her. She was quiet, stoic, cold. Her eyes weren't warm like they always were, they were blank.

"Livi, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Olivia."

"Don't Jay, alright, because I'm just gonna end up saying something that I'll regret later."

"I don't care just say it."

"How long have you known about who my parents know?"

Jay didn't answer.

"How long!"

"Since you told me your real name. I searched the new york data base. I didn't know what else to do.

"How about respect me?"

"Respect you, respect you? Where was the respect you showed me when you didn't tell me the truth for years!"

"I HAD NO CHOICE! I WAS SCARED FOR MY LIFE!"

"IT WAS ME OLIVIA, NOT SOME FUCKING RANDOM PERSON! IT WAS ME!"

Olivia shook her head and grabbed her bag and keys.

"I'm gonna stay at Diana's or Yvonne's for a while."

Twelve days, it had been twelve days since they last spoke. Olivia still showed up to support him and be there, but they never spoke. On the thirteenth day of silence, Jay couldn't do it anymore.

"I'm sorry." he said, " I should have never pushed you to talk about it."

"I didn't want that part of my life to affect my new one. I can't have my old life and have you, and I chose you. And as much as I want to make a call and change all this, I can't because it could ruin everything you've ever worked for."

"Stay with me tonight, my place or you place, just come home with me because I can't go another night without you"


	32. And On The 14th Day

**a/n: so i hope you are all still liking the story, Im so grateful, for reviews and comments on how you feel the story is going**

"Please state you name for the record."

"Olivia McKnight."

"Ms McKnight, do you swear to tell the truth within the court of law?"

"I do."

Day 14 of Jay's lawsuit. Today Olivia was on the stand. While she had reached out to her contacts, it was contacts that were the best legal teams in the country, and they tried to settle the suit sooner but no luck. Steven's family felt the need to sue for the 2.5 million. Olivia knew they were suing more for money than the fact that their son had been killed. So Olivia did was Olivia always does and she stacked Jay's legal team. She wouldn't allow Steven's family to have a chance, but Jay was still worried. Steven's family's lawyer questioned her first.

"Miss McKnight, how do you know the defendant?"

"I'm currently his girlfriend."

"Currently?"

"Yes, we were friends beforehand and we recently started dating."

"How long have you known one another?"

"Almost four years."

"In which, most you can't even remember, so how can you or the court room be sure." He jabbed.

Jay's lawyer jumped up.

"Objection your honor. Miss McKnight suffers from memory loss after the plaintiffs son kidnapped and abused her."

"Allegedly." The other lawyer said sarcastically.

"Sustained, watch yourself counselor."

"My apologies. Miss McKnight, how long have you known Steven?"

"We met when we were around 20 maybe."

"And you two dated?"

"Yes, for a few years."

"When did you break up?"

"I was around 25 or 26."

"And then you just up and moved to Chicago."

"Wait, what? I didn't have a choice."

"That wasn't my question."

"It didn't sound like a question in the first place." She shot back.

Jay smirked at her.

"Miss McKnight, your first warning." The judge said.

"Your answer Miss McKnight?"

"Yes, I moved."

"And you met Mr Halstead."

"I met _Detective_ Halstead, a few months later."

"So you up and left, found a new fling, and what, decided to play house?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Objection!" Jay's lawyer roared.

"It's fine you honor, no more questions at this time."

Jay's lawyer stood and began his questions. Ones they'd been practicing, gone over time and time again.

"Olivia, tell us about Jay, how would you describe him to someone who doesn't know him, much like many people in this room today."

Olivia smiled at Jay. Even with all the fighting they'd been doing, she'd always have his back. He'd always be her number one.

"Jay is one of the best people I've ever known. He's so kind and loving, and caring. He loves kids, he's wonderful with out nephew and when we fostered a little boy, I'm 100% sure that Jay was the favorite and better foster parent. He loves his job, and he's so good at it. He's so dedicated to it and he gives every single case, every victim he's ever worked with all he's got. He's an army Vet who has come back stronger after his ups and downs. He loves his family and friends and would do anything for them in a drop of a hat. Jay Halstead is the perfect man."

"Does Jay love you?"

Olivia looked down and her cheeks flushed.

"He does and he tells me multiple times every day. He loves me more than I deserve, and I never knew that love and happiness like this was real."

"Can you tell us why you left New York?"

"Steven was abusive and eventually leaving was the only choice I had left."

"Go on, please."

Olivia took a couple deep breaths. All her friends, and Jay's family, even Jay were going to hear the horrible things that happened to her.

"Steven was physically, mentally and verbally abusive. More so physical. He sexually assaulted me a few times as well. The final time in New York, he had beaten me to a bloody pulp before he left me on the side of the highway in the cold while it snowed. The police put him in jail, Steven made threats and some of them almost came true. I had no choice but to leave."

"Tell us about the recent time that happened here in Chicago, in the home you share with Detective Halstead."

"Steven had been released from jail and somehow found out where I was. He then stalked me. He had been in my...our home when I got home from work one night. We fought, Steven wasn't used to me ever fighting back. He said he killed Jay, chopped him into pieces and tossed him into the river."

Olivia began to cry.

"Would you like a break Ms McKnight?" The judge asked.

She shook her head no and cried as she spoke.

"He kidnapped me. Tortured me for a week. Made me think the person the person I cared about was dead. Beat me every single day! When Jay found me, Steven had me tied to a bed, with a gun to my head. He was ready to blow my brains out, because he knew that if I died, it would destroy Jay, because he would have made Jay watch," She turned to Steven's parents, " This was no wrongful death. Your son took a bullet to the forehead because he was a threat. A disgusting, vile, monster who got exactly what he deserved. And I couldn't be more thankful that Jay and his team were there to save my life. I might be rebuilding my life because the traumatic stress caused me to forgot most of my life with Jay before hand, but you know what, I'd rather be living my life like this, starting over with Jay and building a beautiful life together."

Olivia stepped off the stand and went to sit behind Jay.

On day 17, Jay was standing as the judge was ready to give his verdict. Jay reached his hand back to find Olivia's and she locked her fingers with his and squeezed.

"I've presided over many cases in my time, very many wrongful death ones against the police. This case however, was shifted the second Ms McKnight took the stand and her testimony was presented. Therefore, I find the suit put against Detective Jay Halstead by the Levorlie Family, in the wrongful death of Steven Levorlie to be dismissed. Detective, you are free and cleared of all charges in this matter."

Relief and excitement filled the courtroom.

"As for you, Ms McKnight..."

Everyone settled back down.

"Your bravery and strength is admirable."

"Thank you, your honor."

Jay leaned over the wooden railing that seperated them and kissed her.

"Let's go home." He said.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The second they walked through Jay's door, he had her pinned against it and were rushing to get eachothers clothes off. It started against the door, then moved to the kitchen, the couch, the small hallway, and then eventually the bedroom. Jay's skin against her own was something she could never get enough of.

"God Jay." She moaned out as she clawed at his back.

After another round in bed, they lay there breathless.

"What if I moved in here?" She asked.

"What do you mean? All my stuff is practically at the house?"

She adjusted her head on his chest.

"I just want a new home, to make new memories in. I feel like I'm constantly haunted by Steven there."


	33. Whole Again

The girls from work had gone to Diana's to eat, have drinks, and hang out by the pool. It was a night they all needed, filled with laughs and just a good time. Everyone stayed for a few hours and by 11pm it was just Olivia, Diana, Yvonne and Michelle left.

"What's going on with the house?" Diana asked.

"Nothing, Jay doesn't think I should sell it."

"Your house, your choice."

"It's our house, I just have to remember that."

When she got home, Jay was already asleep. She decided to go through the pictures on the old phone. She really should wait to do it with Jay, mostly because he explained them all to her. She clicked on an album from Adam's surprise party. She looked so happy. One picture of her and Jay with Adam and Hailey, from when Jay and her had just beaten Adam and Hailey in a very intense game of beer pong. Jay had picked Olivia up and was spinning her in circles.

Another was a picture someone had taken of them. They were standing at the bar, holding up shot glasses and looking at each other. Another picture was Jay sitting on a bar stool with Olivia standing next to him. He had his arm around her waist and her head was leaning on his shoulder. He had his head turned and was kissing the top of her head.

Had they really been that oblivious to one another? She was always thought Jay was extremely gorgeous, but then again so did every other woman in Chicago, and they always made it known. And yet, he always turned then down. She never understood why either. He always laughed it off whenever she brought it up.

 _"She was cute! You should've hung out with her!"_

 _Jay smirked and shook his head._

 _"I'm serious Jay! You should go back over there."_

 _"I'm here with you."_

 _She rolled her eyes._

 _"And we're here with all our friends. I'm pretty sure I'll be fine."_

 _"I'd rather be over here."_

Olivia smiled at that memory. Jay really was something else. He always put her first, always worried about her, cared about her. The next picture she clicked one, the first time he brought her up to the cabin. It was their first trip alone. And for some reason, the had been so extremely nervous to be alone together there.

 _"You weren't kidding when you said this place was deep into the woods on the lake."_

 _"Did you think I was lying?"_

 _"I don't know what I was expecting. It's so quiet up here."_

 _"That's why I like it."_

 _Jay had cooked dinner and refused to let Olivia help. he made her sit on the couch, so she sat and watched and laughed as he cooked like he was on one of those cooking shows on TV. After dinner they sat by the fire watching the snow fall outside the window._

 _"Can I ask you something?" She asked._

 _"Sure."_

 _"Have you ever brought any other girl up here?"_

 _"Nope, you're the first."_

 _"Not ever Erin?"_

 _Jay adjusted the blankets around them._

 _"No, she knew about the cabin, but never came here."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because I never asked her to._

 _"Why not?"_

 _"She wasn't you."_

 _Olivia turned to him._

 _"What's the real reason?"_

 _"It's true. You're special to me Livi, more than I ever imagined someone could be. You made me feel whole again."_

Olivia put down the phone and went into the bedroom. She got onto the bed and curled up at his side.

"Hey," He said, waking up, "You okay?"

"You make me feel whole again."

Jay looked at her.

"You said that to me, the first time I ever went to the cabin."

"I did," He confirmed, "And I still feel that way."

"You do?"

"Of course I do."

There was a pause.

"I'm selling the house."

"Livi-"

"I'm selling the house because I want to build a home and a life with you. We can still keep the apartment if you want, but I can't live in that house anymore."

Jay was quiet for a bit.

"When do you wanna start looking?"

"I can call the realtor in the morning. We'll have to make a list of what we want and what we like, what we don't like. There's so much to go over. What area we want to live in. Stuff like that."

"I want whatever you want." Jay said.

"Our house should have things we both like."

"And it will be, I like the same things you do."

"What if you want space for a mancave and I don't want you to have one?"

"Then I won't have one."

"What if I want to have a full salon in the basement so I can do side work at home." She tried again.

"That's cool with me."

Olivia rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.

"Jay, does anything ever bother you."

"Yes, actually."

She perked up with interest.

"Do tell."

"Nope, it's late, go to sleep."

"Oh come onnnnnnnn, please?" She pouted.

"Goodnight Olivia."

"Oh, hit me with 'Olivia', I must be striking a nerve."

He fake glared at her.

"Fine, one thing that bothers me is that I know how worried you are when I walk out the door for work in the morning."

"Oh, um, I'm sorry."

"It bothers me because I know I can never make that worry go away."

"It's part of the job."

"Yeah, the job."

Olivia looked at him.

"Don't you dare even think about what I think you're thinking about."

"I could get a normal job."

"No way, not allowed."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Jay, you are damn good at your job. And you love what you do, shit, I love that you love what you do. Besides, being a detective is hot as fuck."

"It's stress you don't need."

"If I couldn't handle it, I wouldn't be doing it."

She laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It didn't matter where they lived, or what job he had, Jay would always be home.


	34. Uneventful

a/n: Theres only a few more chapters left in the first installment of this series! feedback and reviews are much appreciated and welcomed :)

* * *

Olivia sat at the table in the kitchen in the apartment alone, enjoying the peacefulness. Jay was working overtime so she turned on some music, made a cup of coffee and looked at some houses. Her house had been on the market for three or four days before it quickly and sadly sold. As hard as it was to empty the house, it gave her the feeling of being able to breathe again, a relief of a horrible event over, and the good memories boxed up. They had finally finished putting things into storage and into the apartment yesterday.

A knock at the door had her tossing her phone on the table and going to the door. She flung the door open without checking and her jaw dropped. She really should listen to Jay more, especially when he always says 'Check before you open the door,' like she was some child. Although in this moment she wished she had because she would have never opened the door. She couldn't believe who was standing there, just as shocked to see her.

"Is Jay here?"

Olivia shook her head no.

"Okay well, I'm going to go then." She rasped out, turning to leave.

"Would you like to come in?"

Olivia instantly regretted the words once they left her mouth, but Olivia needed to know why she was here, figure out what she wanted. Well, she kinda already knew what she wanted.

"Sure."

Olivia felt extremely vulnerable as the 'guest' looked around the apartment and looked at all the pictures.

"He looks good."

"He is."

"Looks happy."

"He is, very happy."

"Hm, I'm sure."

Olivia caught the sarcasm. And she knew the other person knew she would too. Olivia was the queen of sarcasm and sass, she would not let this happen to her in her own home.

"Why are you here Erin?" Olivia said with a clipped tone.

"My relationship with Jay has nothing to do with you Olivia."

"It actually has everything to do with me. I'm always going to look out for him, I'll always have his six, unlike you."

Both women stood their ground.

"I get that you're Jay's friend and you came around right around the same time I left but-"

"Exactly, you left. With no reasoning to give him until you were gone. You completely cut ties with his and left him a mess and caused him to become reckless and make dangerous choices with work. You broke him and I had to pick up the pieces! You destroyed him and you didn't even care, you didn't even look back."

"You don't even know me, you didn't know us! you don't get to stand there and throw judgement about something you have no fucking clue about."

"I don't have to know you to know that you did a really shitty thing. Because I know after everything I've been through, I stayed. I didn't run. You need to leave, don't come back and don't ever reach out to Jay again. you had a chance and you blew it."

"I'll leave that up to Jay, not you."

"Get the fuck out of our apartment."

Olivia slammed the door behind Erin and grabbed her phone to call Diana.

"Hey hooker." Diana answered.

"Call the girls, I'll coming over. Have the tequila and vodka on ice."

* * *

Jay was doing paper work at his desk when Platt called him to tell him he had a visitor in the garage. Platt sounded a bit odd but Jay happily jogged downstairs, thinking his visitor was Livi. Jay stopped dead in his tracks when he didn't see his girlfriend, but Erin instead, standing there holding two cups of coffee.

"Hey partner." She said with a smile.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, shocked.

"Wow Jay, I'm good thanks, it's nice to see you too, I know it's been forever right?"

"I haven't heard from you in how many years? Did you expect a warm welcome?"

"Warmer than the one you gave me, yes actually. I explained why I left."

"But you didn't have to cut me out! We were partners, for christ sake, we were dating Erin!"

"I came to make peace with you, to let go of all of this. To start over, start us over."

"There's no more us, you make that clear when you stopped answering my calls. There's nothing to make peace with, took me a while but I got over it, got over you."

Erin put her coffee down.

"Went to your apartment, had the pleasure of finally meeting the ever elusive Olivia."

"What did you say to her?" He said angrily.

"Not much, before she told me to get the fuck out."

"Good."

"You two seem chummy, considering she said "our" apartment."

"We're dating."

"Why am I not surprised." She said shaking her head in disbelief.

"You don't get to act like that. You walked away, not me."

"She swooped right in to snatch you, didn't she? Did you wait at least 24 hours before you fucked her? Just friends my ass."

"Do you hear yourself right now? Who do you think pushed me to call, and call and call and send text after after? That would be her. Everything I was ready to give up, she told me to try one more time, till finally she couldn't stand to see it break my heart every time you didn't answer. We were friends, we are still friends. We just started dating in early spring, not that I owe you an explanation. And as a matter of fact, I wanna marry her, start a family, spend the rest of my life with her, and only her."

Jay saw the hurt in Erin's eyes.

"Perfect fairytale ending." She said, holding back tears.

"What did you honestly think? That things between you and I would be sunshine and rainbows, that'd I'd welcome you back with open arms? You did a lot of damage when you left, and she fixed me. She makes me the happiest I've ever been."

"That's really good Jay, take care."

Jay watched Erin leave. He never thought he'd come face to face with her again. In a way, he was kinda glad, felt relieved that it was actually over and dead with her. He didn't leave anything unsaid, he felt good about that.

* * *

When Jay got home, Olivia was at the table where he had left her this morning. He noticed the vodka bottle on the table and her empty glass with lime in it. She hadn't even noticed him come in.

"Hey babe."

"Hey."

"Whatcha doing?"

"Going through files on some houses from the realtor."

"Any good ones."

"A few maybe, I don't know, I can't really focus."

"Maybe we can go look at some tomorrow.' He bent down to kiss her, 'How was your day?"

"Uneventful, yours?" she said, picking up and refilling her glass.

"Uneventful huh? That's not what I heard. What's up with the Vodka?"

She put her glass down.

"What did you hear?"

"I know Erin came here looking for me. She came to the district."

"I'm gonna rip her fucking throat out." She muttered.

"That would be considered murder, so please don't." He joked.

She downed her glass and put it in the sink.

"I'm going to bed, I'll pack my stuff in the morning."

"Liv-"

"Don't Jay, okay. I get it, you guys made talked it out, made up, wanna start over and start seeing each other. Don't pour salt on the wound, I don't need to hear it. You've always had a soft spot for her."

Jay raised and eyebrow at her.

"Not anymore, someone else has that spot, the right person."

"You...you chose me?"

"You do you sound so shocked?"

"Because it's Erin."

"I will always choose you." He put his hands on either side of her on the counter. "Hearing that you told her to get the fuck out of our home makes me wanna bend you over this table." he said pushing himself into her.

"Right here is close enough." She said pulling his head down to kiss him.


	35. Settling Down

In the middle of house hunting, Olivia was also looking at building space. Diana had asked her to be a partner as they planned on opening their a third location. Finding a new building was easy, papers were signed and they were on track to open Salon Blue at the Riverwalk in seven months or so. Olivia wished finding a new home was just as easy. It seemed like every house they looked at just felt off, didn't feel like a good fit for them. Olivia walked into the apartment and the smell of food wrapped around her. Jay was standing in the kitchen with a bottle of champagne.

"What's all this?" She asked.

"A little celebration."

"Jay, you didn't have to do this."

"It's just a little something. I also found a house for you to look at, the realtor can meet us there in an hour."

"Okay, sure."

The second they pulled up, Olivia was in love, it was absolutely beautiful and felt like home.

"How'd you find this place?"

"We worked a case near here today. We were driving down the block when I saw it, so I knocked on the front door." He shrugged.

"Jay, you didn't!"

"I did."

"And they let you in? Just like that?" She asked, snapping her fingers.

"Told her I was house hunting, flashed my badge and a smile and the woman let me right in." He said proudly.

"Oh my god." she shook her head.

"If you think the outside is nice, wait till you see the inside."

Jay opened the gate and went to knock on the front door.

"Jay, we have to wait for the realtor."

"I texted the realtor not to bother, besides I told the woman I was coming back with you tonight."

The door opened to reveal a very well put together woman. Olivia suddenly felt very under dressed and out of place.

"Jay!" She greeted.

"Holly, hello. This is Olivia, Livi, this is Holly, the owner of the home."

"Nice to meet you. Thank you for allowing us to come see the house this late."

"Oh of course! Jay couldn't stop gushing over how his wife would love this house."

Olivia gave Jay a side eye and they began to walk around the three floor home. This house was incredible. It had recently been renovated and redecorated. Everything was up to date and modern and fresh. Olivia loved everything about it. It was move in ready, so whatever was inside, came with the house. This house blew every other one they looked at out of the water. They ended up back in the kitchen and Holly left them alone for a few minutes.

"So, what do you think?" Jay asked.

"I think this is the one. What about you?"

"I knew it the second I stepped inside this afternoon."

Olivia kissed him.

"So, Olivia McKnight, will you buy this house with me?"

"According to Holly, I'm Olivia Halstead."

"You will be, soon enough."

Hearing those words made Olivia's heart flutter.

"I would love to buy this house with you."

* * *

Jay and Olivia moved into their new home a week and a half before Christmas. Every night and weekend was spent unpacking, putting things in place and decorating for the holiday. Adam had just left after being here all day with Jay decorating the outside of the house for Christmas and it looked so beautiful. Jay came in the house looking frozen, and Olivia handed him a hot cup of coffee.

"It looks beautiful out there."

"Are you sure? I've never really had to decorate for the holiday."

"Not even growing up?"

"Nah, dad put up a few lights outside but nothing like this. We were lucky if it was one string of lights. Mom did up the inside though."

Olivia gave him a sad smile. She always loved the holidays because her mom and dad always went all out. Now she felt bad.

"It looks beautiful in here." Jay said.

Olivia got all giddy.

"This is our home!"

"Oh, that reminds me."

Jay went to his truck and brought in a large wooden framed quote.

"I choose you. And I'll choose you, over and over and over again. Without pause, without doubt. In a heartbeat, I'll keep choosing you." She red out loud.

Her eyes filled with tears.

"I thought it'd be nice to put in our room."

"It will look perfect there."

He gently kissed her.

"Do you know what I loved to do at Christmas time when I lived on Long Island?"

"Go into the city?"

"That too, but every year from right after Thanksgiving to New Years, Jones beach had this drive thru light show. You would put on the radio station they told you to and the music and the lights went together. And at the end, if you wanted to get out, they had snacks, ice skating, hot chocolate, pictures with santa. My cousins and I went every year. I even loved just driving around looking at decorated houses."

"So then lets go do that."

"Jay, it's ten degrees outside."

"So, we'll be in the truck. We'll stop for hot cocoa and drive around listening to Christmas music."

He truly was perfect.

"Okay, let's do it."

They had been driving for about an hour when they discovered a part of the neighborhood, where blocks and blocks of houses were all decorated. Jay had to admit, this was actually fun and thought maybe they could make this their own tradition. Before dating Olivia, Jay had given up on the idea of sharing a life with someone else. Now, he couldn't imagine life without her.

"Can I tell you something?" He asked.

"Sure."

"After everything that's happened, I'm glad this is how we ended up."

Olivia smiled.

"Thank you for never giving up on me."

He held her left hand.

"I dont plan on going anywhere."


	36. Christmas Angel

Olivia and Jay were hosting Christmas Eve in their new home, and Olivia was doing it the only way she knew how, over the top and Italian. She woke early, sure to not wake Jay and began prepping for the long day ahead. She set up the morning coffee, put her hair in a high pony and got to work pre cooking and prepping so all she had to do later was heat it all up and unwrap all the platters. Jay came down the stairs a bit later to see the counter tops filled with all the seven fishes, pastas, salads, desserts, the espresso and coffee pot all set and ready to go. Jay couldn't believe how much stuff she had made.

"How many people do you think we're having?" Jay asked.

"Well there is a lot of us, and everyone does like to eat...and drink."

"That is very true. What can I do to help?"

"You serious?" She asked.

"Yeah, I wanna help. Maybe Christmas eve will be like our holiday to have with everyone."

"Okay, well, you can grab the calamari out of the fridge and start cutting it up, then egg it, bread it, and fry it up."

"You don't buy that pre made?"

"Oh my god' she laughed, 'Don't let my mother ever hear you say that."

Her laughing quickly came to an end as she realized what she had just said. Jay noticed how sad she had instantly become.

"Hey..."

"It was just a slip of the tongue, I'm fine."

Jay turned her to face him.

"I hope that one day I can meet your mom, and the rest of your family."

Olivia tugged away.

"Well, that's not possible, let's just forget it."

"We could go to New York Liv."

"No we can't."

"But we can. The whole thing with Steven is long over. You can see your family."

"I can't, okay! I can't put them through knowing the fact that I was alive the whole time they mourned my death, grieved for me...moved on from me. It would only disappoint them when I leave again."

"We could always stay."

Olivia shook her head.

"We've had this conversation many times. Our lives are here, I will not force you to uproot your life and start fresh, I won't allow it."

"Then they can visit us."

"Jay, can you please just help me with all this or go watch tv or something. I'm tired of having this discussion."

"Okay...okay."

Jay tried helping the best he could. Most of the time, all the fish he picked up kept slipping from his hands and splattering onto the counter, or he would get little burns from the boiling oil when it popped. Jay had to admit, she looked like one of those rich house wives you see on tv. Her she was standing in their fancy kitchen, in her silk robe and fuzzy, fluffy slippers, hair clipped up nicely, looking radiant and glowing as ever. Jay didn't know why, but he had to ask.

"Are you pregnant?"

Olivia chocked on her coffee.

"Excuse me?!"

"Okay that was rude, but are you? You're very glowey?"

"I think there was a compliment in there somewhere, but no, not pregnant."

"Figured I'd ask." He shrugged.

She gave him a bewildered look.

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know, you just have this different thing around you today."

"I'm not trust me. And if I was you'd be the first to know...well second cause technically I'd be the first to know so." She shrugged, and walked over to wrap her arms around his waist. "Now fry up the shrimp."

They were cleaning up the kitchen when Jay decided to press his luck again.

"So, did you do all this every Christmas eve with your mom?"

Olivia sighed.

"I did."

"Was it always such a big to do?"

"Everything my family did was always a big to do, I don't think we know how to do anything small." She chuckled.

Jay placed the platter he was holding in his hands, down softly onto the counter.

"What were they like?"

"Detective Jay probably would've been driving mad by them, my Jay, would've fit in perfectly."

Jay raised an eyebrow at her.

"My family did shit from time to time, I guess it was all part of the business. We weren't big names but my dad and uncle knew people, which led the rest of us to know people...kinda. They were always just friends or people they worked with a long time ago. My cousins and I never got roped into any of it, but we always knew who we needed to call if we were ever in trouble."

"Sounds like you ran a different life back then."

"I did, and it was fun. I was young with the world at my feet."

"You ever do anything illegal?"

"Have you?" She shot back.

"I have, mostly for work." He answered honestly.

"Oh I wasn't expecting you to answer that."

"You still haven't."

"No, I've never done anything illegal."

"You've never broken one run in your entire life?"

"Okay, that yes, but the illegal you're asking about, no I've never. Dad never allowed us to be apart of it. Hell I don't even think he was really that much a part of it."

"You can't be half in half out Livi."

"Dad wasn't in, he just knew people who were."

"Well, they raised an amazing woman."

* * *

Once Jay was asleep, Olivia snuck out of bed and went downstairs. She turned the lights to the tree back on. She laid under the tree, looked up at the lights and just reflected on the past year. So much had changed for her and she was so happy. There was a small part of her that was grateful she had lost some of her memories. She knew it sounded crazy, but if she hadn't then maybe she wouldn't be here with Jay. She wouldn't be the happiest she's ever been. She wouldn't be so incredibly in love, that it almost hurt some times.

Olivia couldn't imagine a life without Jay. She wanted to marry him, have a family of their own. She smiled at the thought of little halsteads, that all looked like Jay, running around, causing chaos but so incredibly perfect like their father. They'd have his eyes and his smile and charm, and whenever she would scold them, they would give her the same look Jay does. That mischievous look filled with wonder that melted her heart.

"What're you doing down there?"

Olivia peeked out from under the tree.

"Just doing some thinking."

Jay laid down next to her.

"About what?"

She cuddled up next to him and put her head on his chest.

"Just how lucky I am."

"I could say the same thing."

"You mean the world to me and I'm so happy I never left."


	37. Secrets

It was almost the end of shift and Jay was on edge and anxious all day. He couldn't wait to get out of here, pick up the thing that would change his life forever, and then have to go home and try and act calm and cool. Jay was jumpy and jittery and nervous. Hailey followed him into the break room and closed the door behind her.

"You're antsy enough, maybe you should lay off the coffee." She said.

"It's not the caffeine, trust me."

"Okay so then what's going on?"

"It's nothing."

Jay wanted to tell Hailey, he did, but he couldn't risk it. The only other person who knew was Voight. Will didn't even know. He had asked Voight to do all this with him because he knew Voight would never say a word, and because he saw Voight as a father figure.

"Jay, I'm your partner, you're supposed to trust me. If something is wrong, you can tell me."

Jay blew out a breath.

"Everything is more than okay, I promise."

"Don't make me go to Voight."

Jay chuckled.

"He's just going to tell you the same thing."

* * *

Jay waited with Hank for the man to return to the counter, bouncing his leg and looking around. The man returned a few minutes later with a small package and showed it to Jay and Hank before handing it off to Jay.

"It's all yours Mr. Halstead."

Jay smiled. It was almost as beautiful as her, and Hank patted his shoulder.

"You did good kid."

Jay handed the small package to Hank.

"Keep it safe for me?"

"You have my word."

Jay nodded.

"I really appreciate all this Hank. With my dad gone, there's no better person I could look up to as a father than you. I just wanted you to know that."

"You really are like a sone to me Jay. Anything you ever need, I will always be there."

"Thanks Hank."

They gave each other a quick hug.

"Go home son, I've got this."

Olivia was lying on the couch watching tv when he got home.

"Hey babe, you're home late."

"Yeah, busy day, lot of paperwork."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Nah, there isn't much to talk about. You know what I would like to do though?"

"What's that?"

"I wanna go upstairs with you to our room, close the door and just..." He trailed off.

Olivia stood and held out her hand.

"So then, let's just..."

Jay hovered over her on the bed and looked down at her. Her eyes were filled with lust and her lips swollen from his kisses, her hair fanned over the pillow. He slid into her with ease and she arched her back and closed her eyes. Her lips parted slightly at the feeling of him filling her and her hands grabbed the sheets beneath her. Jay stretched and filled her in the most heavenly way. He moved in and out of her and nipped at her neck. Jay was never rough in the sense that it would hurt but rough as in this sexy forcefulness. Her hands clawed at his back.

Olivia flipped him onto his back and climbed on top of him. He gripped her hips and she rested her palms flats against his chest. The way she moved on top of him was making his control slip. Olivia clenched around him and it sent him over the edge, both exploding at the same time. She laid there for a few seconds to catch her breath before rolling off of him.

"You haven't done that in a while." She said.

"Do what?"

"Finish inside me."

Jay shrugged.

"I know you're my forever. Babies with you would be a bonus."

"I thought you didn't want kids?"

"I didn't, but you do."

"You have to want them too."

"I do, now. I never did before. When our relationship changed I really put thought into it. Then we got James, and parenting with you felt right, it felt natural, and I don't know, but I want kids with you."

"Maybe one day."

Jay poked her stomach.

"Does it feel like there's a baby Halstead in there?"

Olivia laughed.

"I don't think it happens that fast, but there's a chance we could have a baby Halstead from tonight."

"Would it be a boy or girl?"

"As long as it's healthy."

"I hope our first is a girl." He smiled.

"First?' She questioned,' You want more than one?"

"Two for sure, maybe three. But I would love for the first to be a girl."

"I'd like a boy first."

Jay raised his brow at her.

"You, the most girliest girly girl in the world, wants a boy? Don't you want a daughter?"

"Sure, but I'd like a boy first, so he can protect her."

"She'll be protected and be able to handle herself, don't you worry. Her daddy is a cop with many guns."

She jokingly shook her head at him.

"I hope they look like you." They said at the same time.

"No way, they have to look like you." Olivia said.

"A mix of us both."

"If we have a son, I hope he looks more like you. I can picture it so clearly, a little mini version of you, with the sane personality and that heart stopping smile. I wish all our kids have your eyes, they're heavenly."

"They're nothing compared to you hazel ones."

"Are we really talking about having kids?"

"Yes Livi, we are."

"Do this mean we're trying but not trying?"

"I'm good with that, and all the trying we get to do."

"Once little Halsteads come along, you know we can't have sex anywhere or anytime we want."

"For the first year and a half, we totally can."

Olivia brushed back his hair.

"Who would've ever thought that we'd have kids together." she said.

""I'm pretty sure all our friends did."

She rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to shower."

She got out of bed and stretched before walking towards the bathroom.

"I'll come with you."

"What's the matter, once wasn't enough for tonight?"

"I could never get enough of you."


	38. It's Always Been You

It's hereeeeeee! This is the final chapter for this part! I really hope you all enjoyed this story as much as I did, bringing the characters to life. Jay and Olivia's story will continue, so once I have a couple chapters of the next part down, I'll start posting those. Thanks again!

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She looked stunningly radiant, but then again he always thought she did. Jay extended his hand to her and helped her out of the town car that Voight had sent for them. Her rose gold metallic pumps stood out beautifully against the black, high neck dress that had a small train and a killer slit on the side that almost came to the top of her thigh. Her curly hair a bit messier now than when they left, seeing as he could't keep his hands out of it as the fooled around in the car on the drive over. She looped her arm through his and they headed inside. They met up with their friends and Olivia went to dance while Jay headed to the bar.

"So is operation Olivia Halstead a go then?" Will asked.

Jay blew out a nervous breath.

"If all goes a planned." He responded, downing a shot.

"I'm proud of you brother." Will said patting his shoulder.

"Don't get too excited, nothing official yet."

"But it will be. There's no way- and uh, thats how I got a marble out of a kids nose."

Jay gave Will a confused look and second later he felt arms wrap around his middle.

"Come dance with me."

"You know I hate to dance Livi."

"What fun is a party, if you don't dance?"

"The open bar."

"Okay, I'll give you that. But, I love this song, and it's slow and sexy and meant for couples. I don't want to have to find some random person to dance with."

"Yeah, that's not happening."

Jay tossed back another shot and brought her onto the dance floor. He noticed there were only a few other couple dancing.

"I don't think anyone likes this music too much."

"That's because they either don't know it or don't understand it."

"It's ballet music. Just a bunch of instruments playing."

They swayed around the floor effortlessly.

"I don't know, maybe it's because I took ballet for like 20 years, I just find it so soothing."

Jay spun her out then in.

"You took ballet?"

"And tap, and jazz, and lyrical."

"How did I not know that?" He asked.

"Because I left that part of my life behind."

"Do you miss it?"

"Oh of course, but I got hurt so I had to stop. And I'm not nearly as flexible as I used to be."

Jay dipped her back.

"From what I've seen, you're pretty flexible."

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"Spin me out then in. I'm gonna hook my right leg over your left hip. then step out with your left foot a bit and dip me back, but swoop me from left to right. But pull me up slowly. Take your left hand and run it up my leg from my calf to the top of my thigh, up my back to the top of my neck. There's a slow sexy part to the song coming up."

He did exactly what she said, and at the end of it he leaned in to kiss her. It felt like the room had been set on fire. The heat between the seemed to radiant off of them, and Jay wanted nothing more than to find the nearest empty closet and ravish her. People around them clapped and Jay awkwardly smiled as Olivia slightly curtsied and bowed her head.

"That was an extreme turn on." Jay said.

"Oh, so you do like to dance."

"Like that, with you, yes."

"Maybe we should do more of it at home." she suggested.

"I say left find and empty space and practice."

Olivia laughed.

"Let's go find our friends and drink."

* * *

With minutes left till the New Year, everyone crowded the dance floor. Jay wrapped his arms around Olivia from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. Content, she placed her hands over his and leaned back into him. Hank gave Jay a subtle nod.

"It's been a hell of a year, hasn't it?" Jay asked.

"That it has, but it's had it's really good moments."

"Spare some time for one more?" He asked.

"Sure."

"Come outside with me."

"Jay, it's freezing out there, and it's almost midnight."

"Do you trust me?"

"Always." She responded.

He led her out to the back patio that had been beautifully decorated with lit candles, twinkling fairy lights and all of her favorite flowers. Large space heaters around them, kept them warm. Jay took her left hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb.

"I've been thinking about this moment for a long time, so you can't interrupt me or distract me." Jay admitted.

"Uh, okay?"

"The second you came barreling into my life, some where deep down, I think I knew I'd marry you. You made my life bright again after so much darkness. The night we met you had me instantly captivated. Your laugh, the way you instantly got along with my friends, it sparked something. Then you met my family and it was like you'd known them all your life. Every moment I wasn't with you, I wanted to be. And every second we were together was never enough. The night you went missing, was the worst time of my life. I'm a cop for christ sake, you should always be safe, and in that moment, I had failed you. But I knew, I always knew deep down, I'd find you, whatever it took, I'd get you back. I could feel it in my bones, that you were still alive. Then when we found you and I kissed you, it was like every moment, every memory, every feeling I'd ever had when I was with you was exploding in my head and sending fire through my veins. But when you said you couldn't remember anything about us...about me, I was so angry that I had blown my chance. But we got a chance to rewrite our story, we made it happen. I love falling asleep next to you every night and waking up to you every morning. I love that you need to kiss my goodbye every day and tell me to be safe and come home to you. I want you to be the mother of my kids, be there every night when I come home after having a rough day, because I know you'll make it all better. It will always be you Olivia, _it's always been you_.' Jay got down on one knee and popped open the small velvet box, 'So, Olivia McKnight, will you marry me?"

Olivia gasped and her eyes filled with tears. He was really doing this. Fireworks lit up the sky around them. She couldn't believe this was happening. Was she ready for this? To make it all official, to take the next step? It felt like she was standing on the ledge at the top of a building, waiting to fall, scared to fall. But Jay would be there to catch her, he always would be. All she had to do was jump

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 **That's a wrap guys! thank you all so much again for reading and reviewing. i am truly grateful**


	39. It's Not Always Easy

hi guys! the next installment of The Jay and Olivia series 'It's Not Always Easy' will be starting up soon! I hope you all enjoy following Jay and Olivia's story :)


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